Brenda's Breast Cancer Journey

Celebrate Brenda's Life

2011-10-07T23:08:00.000-07:00

Throughout the planning process for Brenda's service, we keep asking ourselves "What would Brenda want?" The two of us never openly discussed her memorial service because if it was up to Brenda, there would be no service - she didn't like being in the spotlight!

With that in mind, we have planned her service for next Friday afternoon, so that it would be easier for people travelling or taking off from work - we will call it a compromise, on her behalf. The service is to be held on Friday, October 14th, at 1:00pm at Crossroads Church, located on the southwest corner of Hi-Way #2 and 32nd Street.

Additional details can be found on the following link to her page on Parkland Funeral Home's website: http://parkland.frontrunnerpro.com/runtime/215/runtime.php?SiteId=215&NavigatorId=33477&op=tributeMemorialCandles&viewOpt=dpaneOnly&ItemId=1001819

In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the 2012 Ride to Conquer Cancer, which I will be participating in again at: http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Alberta2012?px=1883410&pg=personal&fr_id=1411

Or at Amanda Lindhout's foundation, which she also felt very strongly about, at: http://www.globalenrichmentfoundation.com/

Brenda Marie Odovichuc
April 4, 1977 – October 5,2011

Brenda Marie Odovichuc of Red Deer, passed away peacefully on October 5, 2011, at the age of 34 years with her loving husband Carman at her side. After a courageous 3 year battle with breast cancer, she is now dancing in Heaven with her Saviour. She will be welcomed by her Granny Bendfeld, her friend Travis, her dog Rudy, and other grandparents, aunts and uncles, and friends. Brenda was born on April 4, 1977, the third of four girls, to George and Joyce Odovichuc, in Camrose, where she grew up playing with friends on her street, competing in volleyball throughout her school years, socializing with friends, and making the most out of life. Brenda met her soulmate, Carman, at the age of 16 and almost eight years later they eloped (in true Brenda form) and celebrated 11 years of marriage. She enjoyed travelling, camping, walking her dogs, singing, dancing, playing games, and hanging out with friends. She liked helping others, which led her to become a certified financial planner, organizing Operation Christmas Child, selling Caring Hands jewelry from Uganda, and campaigning for Tykerb coverage in Alberta. Brenda became friends with everyone she met. She had a twinkle in her eye and a tinkle in her laugh that sucked you in and held you tight. If there was a cause or a need, she was there to fight for it or help out. She has touched and inspired so many people during her life and especially the past few years with her journey. She will be lovingly missed by her husband, Carman Wilson of Red Deer, her parents, George and Joyce Odovichuc of Camrose, sisters Kari Mykitiuk, Jodi (Jason) Hilmoe, Tara Odovichuc; nieces and nephews, and numerous other extended family members. “Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is His unfailing love” Lamentations 3:32. A Celebration of Brenda’s Life will take place on Friday, October 14, 2011 at 1:00 p.m. at CrossRoads Church – 38105 Range Road 275, Red Deer County, Alberta (S.W. corner of Hwy. #2 and 32nd Street) with Pastor Dan Cochrane officiating. In lieu of flowers, donations can be made to the 2012 Ride to Conquer Cancer “Brenda’s Bravehearts” www.conquercancer.ca or to Amanda Lindhout’s organization, the Global Enrichment Foundation – www.globalenrichmentfoundation.com. Condolences may be sent or viewed at www.parklandfuneralhome.com. Arrangements in care of Dustin Goddu, Funeral Director at Parkland Funeral Home and Crematorium, 6287 – 67 A Street (Taylor Drive), Red Deer. 403.340.4040

My Dear Brenda

2011-10-05T21:50:00.000-07:00

Today, October the 5th at 11:45 am, I had to say goodbye to the woman I fell in love with over 18 years ago. I was naive to think that after walking by her side as she battled this disease the past three years, the outcome would be easier to accept. How wrong I was - I am so deeply overcome by sadness and grief, it is indescribable, and I miss her so much already!

It is so very hard to watch someone you care for so much, suffer such a painful experience. Her little body was so full of cancer and so weak from fighting - she struggled for every last breath the last few days and for those around her, we felt so helpless. Her sister Tara comforted her with some Beatles music in her final moments and for some reason she found the most comfort and her breathing relaxed with the song "Hey Jude". I was able to kiss her and hold her and tell her I love her, as she left us very quietly and peacefully. I take comfort knowing she is now free from pain and suffering and that God is now holding her in His arms and kissing her softly.

Brenda Marie Odovichuc was an amazing person and I am so lucky to have shared a part of her life. She became friends with everyone she met. She had a twinkle in her eye and a tinkle in her laugh that sucked you in and held you tight. If there was a cause or a need, she was there to fight for it or help out. She has touched so many people during her life and especially the past few years with her journey. She leaves a huge hole in my heart, as well as many others.

Goodbye, my love...

Carman

P.S. Once arrangements have been made to celebrate Brenda's life, I will post them here on her blog.

Brenda's Condition

2011-09-23T09:25:00.000-07:00

Brenda's last blog in August mentioned that she was still waiting for word on the phase 1 trial that she was to go on. We finally got a call a few weeks ago to come and meet with the trial doctor and have preliminary tests and scans completed to provide baseline information and to confirm that Brenda was capable of proceeding with the trial. Unfortunately, the test results confirmed that the cancer in her brain had grown and new spots had materialized and all other areas in her body were also out of control (liver, lungs, bones, etc.)

The last few weeks have been very difficult, to say the least. The trial drug was to be our last option for treatment and last hope for Brenda's future. We have since had to accept that God has a different plan for Brenda and that her future is with Him and not here with us.

Her condition has worsened considerably over the last couple of weeks and especially the last few days. She is still at home, but is now on oxygen, because of the cancer in her lungs and the large amount of fluid that has built up around her lungs and heart. She is not in pain, which we are very thankful for, and the discomfort that she experiences, we are able to control by medication.

Our plan is to keep her at home and so we have spent the past couple of days getting home care equipment installed and home care support setup. She is most comfortable here, in her own bed, with her family and especially her special nurse, Charlee (our dog).

We are so thankful for the friends and family we have - the endless prayers and support have made this journey so much easier and we are at peace with what is to come - she has fought a very courageous battle the past three years and has impacted a lot of people in many different ways. I am so very proud of her and honoured to have spent the last 18 years with her, as her friend and husband.

Carman

Trial - making headway

2011-08-28T15:05:00.000-07:00

On thursday I got the results from my blood test (to make sure my levels are fit for the trial). My hemoglobin was extremly low so I was asked to go th the Red Deer ER for a blood transfusion. We got there at 3pm and did not get home until 5am. This week the tests continue up in Edmonton. I am worrieed something else will come up _ it is making me anxious.

I will let you know how the rest os the tests go.

Waiting

2011-07-04T20:07:00.000-07:00

I am waiting to get into a trial study. I have tried just about everything on the product shelf that I can so the next option is to be a step above a lab rat - and I am happy to do so. Carman and I continue to pray that God would provide the treatment that I need.

In the meantime all we can do is patiently wait. Which is not easy to do. I have anxiety about the whole thing, but I have read a lot of great stories of people who have had amazing success with trial drugs, so we still have to hope.

Love is in the Air

2011-07-04T19:52:00.000-07:00

I have another sister and her name is Janet. Josh picked a very beautiful bride and I loved going to Kelowna for their wedding. We stayed at our friend Fred's mom and dad's house (which is my dream house) and they spoiled me with great food, constant tea, and a backyard to relax in. I read Nicki Sixx's book the Heroin Diaries which was well written and very revealing - I recommend it if you were ever a Motley Crue fan.

Limping

2011-07-04T19:43:00.000-07:00

A couple of weekends ago we were out camping and my leg was really starting to bother me. To the point that on Monday morning I could not weight bear at all on my left side. I maneuvered myself into the bathtub which probably wasn't smart. I have a totally new appreciation for what some people have to struggle with just to maintain personal hygiene.

Turns out a large bone tumor right above me knee (in my femur) finally had enough and wanted to make itself known. My left hip has also been bothering me for awhile, but some tumors in there also wanted to join the pain party. I was very concerned that I would be missing my baby brother Josh's wedding on Thursday (to clarify Josh is Carman's baby brother). But the oncologist said they no longer do 5 treatments for bone pain, but just one. That made me so happy that I wouldn't have to miss out on the wedding.

The day after radiation I already had relief and was walking without a limp.

Still Here

2011-07-04T19:35:00.000-07:00

I know it has been a while since I have posted, but to be honest, I was just getting tired of sharing my business. I was starting to feel like just because I would post, 'the world' felt like it could comment or talk 'cancer' with me. I am private person and I was finding myself getting uncomfortable. I blog so I don't get a ton of 'how are you feeling' phone calls, and to share my experience with that other cancer victim out there. But I know there are a ton of people out there who love me and generally care how I am feeling. So I promise to do a better job of posting. I just request that people remember this is an extremely painful journey. I may easily share things on my blog, but it does not mean I walk this journey as an 'open book' ready to share anything with anyone.

3 weeks of chemo done

2011-04-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

So i finished three weeks of chemo (every Thursday) and I am enjoying my week off. This chemo has given me a funny taste in my mouth so things don't taste quite like they should and my appetite is pretty much gone. Before Carman leaves for work he puts a small yogurt and a tall glass of water on my nightstand. I eat the yogurt as soon as a wake-up which I think helps keep the nausea away first thing. My balance and my movement has improved greatly! My ability to be in crowds or in room of people has not improved. Tara and I took a field trip to the mall and it was disastrous - I just about fainted (too much music and people moving around). So Tara's newest title might be personal shopper. I sleep really good and when we had some nice days I was enjoying walking outside. This latest snowfall is depressing - I hope it melts really fast. I've been really sad these dats because a young 30 year old friend of my has suffered 2 strokes. It just makes no sense. I've been reading a lot of Chicken Soup for the Soul and of course I enjoy General Hospital daily. I can't wait for the snow to melt so I can get outside and work my flower beds.

Charlee Wanted to say Hi!

2011-03-03T11:27:00.000-08:00

I feel really loved

2011-03-03T10:44:00.001-08:00

I have been getting so many great inspirational crafts - thank you. The picture is of just a few - an inspiration tree, my quote in a frame, and from my red-headed friend Kelly, a red-headed doll. The charcoal picture of the National Geographic cover Carman and I bought from a street artist in Thailand for if I remember correctly $35.

I am going to try and posts some pictures over the next week.

Yesterday Tara and I went to the mall. I made sure to bring Ethel (my cane) and she is a nice trusty companion. I don't want to always rely on Tara and Carmans arm and using a cane does not bother me one bit . I find wide open spaces in the mall required me to also hold onto Tara's arm, and I couldn't carry a bag - so thank goodness for Tara.

My hope is the cane is just temporary and I can return it to my mom and dad - for when they may need it - haha!

I've been trying to get into a new book of the Bible. I have spent a lot of time getting to know Job and I got so much from his life. My faith feels so elementary in comparison to his, but he is someone I strive to be like. At first I was going to start reading Joshua (because my baby brother's name is Joshua - Josh isn't a baby he's 23), but after watching one of Pastor Dan's messages on Job I decided to turn to Jeremiah. And so far I can just say WOW! This is what I need. And, God just keeps showing up. Yesterday I found a little frame in my mailbox with the following quote:

journey

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I also wanted to share:

I am not laying in bed all day

I don't feel like I am living the life I should be, but I see and recognize me/my life during my day

I am not in any pain

I have an appetite

I am having a hard time falling asleep, but I am waking up rested

I've been making the odd supper

I've been doing housework

I've been sitting at my desk and doing some work about every other day

My reading ability is improving ever day - I should very soon be back on novels

Little by Little

2011-03-01T17:28:00.000-08:00

Yep, little by little every day I see progress! Last night I started going up and down the stairs without holding the railing. My chin isn't as numb, I notice I am pivoting way better, and I've been doing about 20 minutes on my treadmill everyday(although I have to hold on to the railings and I can only do a speed of about half of what I used to). I also am doing a small little free weight routine to try and get these scrawny arms stronger.

I think it is weird that I am still a bit surprised when I shower that I expect my body to feel like it used to (from over 2 years ago). I used to have strong legs from how much I walked - I can't wait to have those strong legs again!

My brain is allowing me to read more and more all of the time. But novels for some reason are just too hard to process. The weird thing is I have no problem reading 10 Chicken Soup short stories with ease.

I don't know if I have already posted that my sister Tara is living with us. Before I found out the cancer spread to my brain I was just really worn out and was getting lonely being at home alone so much so I asked if she would consider coming and living with us. What a God thing. He knew I would need her so much more. Shortly after she came things got worse. I am SOOOOO HAPPY she is here! Thanks Tara for giving up your dream of living on the coast to come and be with me in cold, snowy Red Deer.

Crafters Wanted

2011-02-18T10:47:00.000-08:00

I don't have a crafty bone in my body - I've always wanted to be creative, but it often ends up in a pretty good laugh. Just ask my brother-in-law Mitch what 'craft' he got stuck with this Christmas.

When I was up in Edmonton getting radiation one particular morning I was so devastated and I was getting out of the shower just bawlling - how was I going to face another day of this? And I felt Got say - If you could only see the future I have planned for you, you would be so happy.

I've been trying to remember this every time I get down.

So here's the call - if you are crafty, I would love little 'signs' of this statement I could put around my house to reminge me.

My address is:
Brenda Odovichuc
12 McCune Ave
Red Deer, AB
T4N 0H2

Brain Mets

2011-02-17T16:02:00.001-08:00

This is the hardest post I have ever tried to write - so please bear with me.

My last CT scan showed fairly steady bone mets but growth on my lives. Because I was exhausted from the chemo pills and Tykerb my doctor did not see any problem of taking a month off. We were even going to escape to somewhere nice to try and recuperate. Our eyes were on Panama.

Only a week later I started suffering from a really bad headache and I was struggling with my balance. I was getting really scared. Carman called the doctor and he sent us to the ER for a head CT. And ever since my world feels like it has completely shattered. The cancer had spread to my brain in several spots.

Days later we were in Edmonton an I was getting 10 rounds of full brain radiation. We also decided to radiate the lower part of my back to help elevate pain.

Cancer to the brain has completely brought me to the lowest point I think I can be. I fear it will rob me of who I am. It has impaired my ability to walk with steady feet. And if you know me you know how much I love to walk. The doctor is hopeful the radiation will help improve my steadiness, but it really frightens me.

But even as dire as my situation looks, I have hope that God will still completely heal my body. My God is that powerful!

Tykerb Covered - THANK YOU!

2011-02-17T15:54:00.000-08:00

Thank you each any every person who signed my petition to get Tykerb covered in Alberta. Each and every signature counted to make a difference. Over 2000 were collected. A special thanks to those who went above and beyod in collecting signatures -especially complete strangers.

It was very disheartening when Tykerb stopped working for me, but I wanted to fight for those who the drug willl work for. Tykerb will prolong for so many women. Yoou helped give the gift of life.

So thank you, thank you, thank you. For signing a piece of paper. You just help save a woman's life!

Dear Mr. Health Minister #6

2010-12-31T11:38:00.000-08:00

December 31, 2010

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

Today I submit another 120 signatures (98 from the paper petition and 22 from the online petition) to request that Tykerb, a Her2 positive targeted breast cancer treatment, be covered in the province of Alberta. To date, that is a total of 2528 signatures submitted.

I also submit a copy of the letter submitted to the Edmonton Journal by Tykerb user, Cecile Comeau from Leduc, AB. You will read that she was once given weeks to live, but after being prescribed Tykerb in a clinical trial, she has celebrated 6 more birthdays! Women are faced with making the decision of financially draining their families and dying when it comes to this drug! When other provinces are covering the drug for their citizens, why is Alberta denying the same opportunity for life?

This will now be the 6th package I have submitted to you. I have not yet received a personal response from my previous packages or messages. I look forward to you contacting me at 403-343-6562 when a decision has been made. You have continually given the statement: "at the end of the month a decision will be made". Several months have now passed. Please make a positive decision of grating coverage for Albertans! Please do not let breast cancer patients down - you personally hold that decision in your power.

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

Dear Mr. Health Minister #5

2010-12-21T16:13:00.000-08:00

December 21, 2010

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

Today I submit another 134 signatures to request that Tykerb, a Her2 positive targeted breast cancer treatment , be covered in the province of Alberta. To date, that is a total of 2408 signatures submitted.

Since Tykerb is covered for breast cancer patients in Nova Scotia, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia, I question where Alberta's compassion is for our breast cancer patients? When both our provincial neighbors cover the drug, we are dragging our 'political heals'. I realize our political system pays for our health care, but politicians are not doctors. I have heard everything from that Alberta just duplicates Ontario's health policies, to an Alberta board member sitting on both our health board and Ontario's. All I will comment is that Albertans vote for Albertans to make decision regarding our residents. Do not fail Alberta breast cancer patients simply because Ontario decides to.

This will now be the 5th package I have submitted to you. I have not yet received a personal response from my previous packages or messages. I look forward to you contacting me at 403-343-6562 when a decision has been made at the end of the month. Please do not let breast cancer patients down. Your decision can make a difference between life and death.

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

Dear Mr. Health Minister #4

2010-12-13T11:42:00.000-08:00

December 13, 2010

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

Since November 4, 2010, I have submitted a total of 2271 signatures (which includes the 368 paper signatures and 24 online signatures submitted today, and the 30 signatures directly mailed to you from my friend Tasha) to request that Tykerb, a Her2 positive targeted breast cancer treatment, be covered in the province of Alberta.

I have been advised you made a statement on Global News that the government would have an answer by the end of the month. Because Tykerb is covered in 3 other provinces (Nova Scotia, Saskatchewan, and British Columbia), I look forward to you announcing that Alberta will be the fourth province to provide this coverage for breast cancer patients.

I have submitted 4 packages regarding this topic, and have left messages at your office. I look forward to you contacting me personally at 403-343-6562 when a decision is made at the end of the month. On another note, I will continue to send you signatures and pester you until Alberta covers this drug!

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

Dear Mr. Health Minister #3

2010-12-01T11:42:00.000-08:00

December 1, 2010

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

As of my last letter on November 23, 2010, I have submitted a total of 1598 signatures to request that Tykerb, a Her2 positive targeted breast cancer treatment, be covered in the province of Alberta.

Today, I have enclosed an additional 106 signatures from the paper petition and 45 signatures from the online petition for a total of 1849 signatures.

Healthcare is front and centre in the news these days. I recognize the province has several areas in which funding is needed (emergency care), and my hope it that my petition is not getting lost in all of the paper on your desk.

I believe you have been quoted several times stating a decision on covering Tykerb would be coming by the end of November. As we are now into December, I trust a decision will be made very soon.

Lastly, I would like to ask you the following question - How would you feel if I was your daughter? Would you be proud of your province for denying this coverage to date when other Canadian provinces are providing for the women who need this drug? I am not lying in bed clinging to life. I live a very active life considering my illness. I work as a Certified Financial Planner on a part-time basis, I represent a missions group called Caring Hands in Uganda by selling their recycled paper jewelry, I attend a weekly bible study at my church, I bake cookies and share them with my neighbors, I clean my house, I do laundry, I walk my dog everyday, I pay my taxes, and I believe my life matters.

Enclosed I have also provided you with a copy of an article written in the Red Deer Advocate about the absence of coverage of this drug in the province of Alberta.

Since I have not yet received a response since my original package sent on November 4th, I look forward to hearing from you very soon with good news. I can be contact at 403-343-6562.

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

Dear Mr. Health Minister #2

2010-11-23T10:02:00.000-08:00

November 23, 2010

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

On November 4, 2010, I submitted a letter and 1144 petition signatures to request that Tykerb, a Her 2 positive targeted breast cancer treatment, be covered in the province of Alberta.

Since submitting this package, Kelly Mah from Edmonton has been featured in the Edmonton Journal, The Edmonton Sun, and Global News regarding this same issue. You have responded to this press by advising the drug is still under review and a decision should be made by the end of the month.

You have asked us to respect there is a process to reviewing such coverage; however, it is frustrating when our processing is months behind other provinces, such as Saskatchewan and Nova Scotia. It is also frustrating when both of our provincial neighbors are covering the drug while we are not.

I trust you will do right by Albertans and cover this drug very soon. I have enclosed an additional 219 paper signatures and 231 online signatures to have Tykerb covered in the province of Alberta. To date that would be a total of 1598 signatures submitted.

Since I have not yet received a response from my November 4th package, I look forward to hearing from you very soon with some good news. I can be contacted at 403-343-6562.

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

Tykerb Petition

2010-11-15T16:31:00.000-08:00

Please sign the attached petition:

www.gopetition.com/petition/40138.html

Thanks!
Brenda

Tykerb Makes the News!

2010-11-15T14:42:00.001-08:00

An absolutely beautiful woman named Kelly made the Edmonton Global news on Friday night. She too is trying to get Tykerb covered in Alberta. I am sooooo thankful that she wrote a letter to the Edmonton Journal which created a whirlwind of publicity.

Kelly called me today to tell me she is being featured again tonight on the 5 o'clock Global news and her doctor may potentially be interviewed on Wednesday.

Go Kelly Go!

Dear Mr. Health Minister

2010-11-15T14:01:00.000-08:00

Following is the letter submitted to our Minister of Health and Wellness:

November 4th, 2010

Gene Zwozdesky
Minster of Health and Wellness
#208, 10800-97 Ave
Edmonton, AB
T5K 2B6

Dear Mr. Zwozdesky:

Another October has come and gone. Athletes have hung-up their pink cleats, and stores have taken down their 'pink' displays - Breast Cancer Awareness month is done for another year. However, breast cancer does not stop on November 1st. According to the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation, an estimated 23,200 women in Canada will be diagnosed with breast cancer in 2010. That means this week alone, 445 women will hear the devastating words: "you have cancer".

My name is Brenda Odovichuc, and on August 11, 2008 at the age of 31, I found a lump in my breast. After having surgery, it was soon discovered the cancer had already spread into my sternum - I was classified as Stage 4 (not curable). It is an extremely heavy load to bear in your early thirties, knowing that you may not have long to live. And it only got worse - in December of 2008, the cancer spread to many of my bones, my liver, and my right lung.

I have been overwhelmed by the whole cancer treatment experience. I had a lumpectomy, 30 treatments of radiation, 10 rounds of Docetaxol chemotherapy, and over 20 treatments of Herceptin. I tried Tomoxifen, Femara, Goserelin, until finally having my ovaries removed. I get a monthly dosage of Pamidornate to help protect my bones, and I am currently on my 5th round of Xeloda and Tykerb. Sometimes it surprises even me that I am still alive.

I have experienced excellent care from my oncologists and the nurses at the Cross Cancer Institute and the Red Deer Cancer Clinic, but it was very discouraging when my doctor informed me that the drug he recommended, Tykerb (a new targeted Her2 therapy), would not be covered by the government like my other cancer treatments had been. I was fortunate to have a very good drug plan at the time (100%), but I have often thought, 'What would somebody do if they did not have insurance? and 'Who can actually afford this treatment?' A 30 day supply costs $3,496.57.

My 100% coverage did not last long - two months later my husband's employer was forced to reduce their drug coverage to 80% because of my claims. An 80% plan is still good, but even with 80% coverage, the Tykerb alone still costs us almost $700 per month. I panicked and called the drug company directly. I received approval for 10% coverage, which certainly helps, but I am still not content.

You see, as an insurance broker I know how health and dental plans work. If I were to claim Tykerb for an extended length of time, I risk the small company's ability to even offer any form of substantial benefits. In September 2010, Reader's Digest featured an article called 'Map of Shame'. In the article, a woman specialized kidney drug crumbled her husband's drug plan - it was forced to reduce it's coverage from 100% to an annual maximum of $10,000. The woman died 5 months later simply because they could not afford her life preserving drug.

I have since learned that Tykerb is fully funded in Saskatchewan and Nova Scotia and I feel the Alberta government is letting breast cancer patients, such as myself, down. Why isn't Alberta covering this drug when others are?

The primary drug of choice used to treat Her2 positive breast cancer is Hercpetin. In elementary terms, Herceptin attacks the cancer cell like a Pac Man and is fully funded by the Alberta government. Tykerb was just made available this year, and is now a second form of Her2 targeted treatment. The drug does not attack the cell like a Pac Man, but burrows itself in like a tic and works from the inside. Both of these drug fulfill a similar objective, yet the government only funds Herceptin - I very strongly feel this displays Medicine Discrimination.

As a Her2 positive breast cancer patient I am hopeful a drug named TDM1 is currently being researched with positive results. I realize I may never live long enough to experience the power of this drug; however, I would still like to shed light on this drug in my petition. I encourage the government to do their part in the research of this drug and to participate in ongoing studies.

In less than 30 days I was able to obtain 1082 signatures on a paper petition and 62 signatures on an online petition to demand coverage of Tykerb in the province of Alberta. I admit, when I originally drafted the petition I was very emotional as I had just discovered other provinces were currently covering the drug. If I had an opportunity to re-write the petition, I would have replaced the word 'demand' with 'urge', as written in the online petition. However, I would like to point out that to my knowledge the wording only caused two individuals to abstain from signing the petition. When the Red Deer Advocate posted an article about my petition on their website, only two naysayers did not want to see Tykerb covered in Alberta. The Red Deer Advocate printed a full article in their October 23rd issue.

I trust my letter, and enclosed signatures are sufficient to cause the Alberta government to review their policy on Tykerb. I look forward to hearing from you directly at 403-343-6562. You can learn more about me and my cancer journey on my blog at:

http://brendabreastcancer.blogspot.com/

Sincerely,
Brenda Odovichuc

cc letter:
Mr. Ed Stelmach, Alberta Premier
David Swann, Lead of the Official Opposition
Mary Anne Jablonski, Red Deer MLA
Cal Dallas, Red Deer MLA
The Cross Cancer Insitute
Dez Melenka, CTV News
Su-Ling Goh, Global News
Hana Gartner, CBC Fifth Estate
Jodie Sinnema, The Edmonton Journal
Michelle Thompson, Edmonton Sun

Playing for Change

2010-10-14T12:14:00.000-07:00

I don't know where you were last night, but you totally missed out in a life experience if you weren't at the Playing for change concert at UofC Mac Hall. All I can say is - SUPERB!!! Even Carman got is toe a tapping and his body a swaying!!!! If you not familiar with this great band, and what they stand for, just google Playing for Change and be amazed!

ONE LOVE, STAND BY ME, GOOD VIBRATION......

PETITION

2010-10-05T11:32:00.000-07:00

As many of you know, October is Breast Cancer Awareness month. As someone who has lived with breast cancer for the past two years, I wanted to make you 'aware' of a recent challenge I have experienced with getting breast cancer treatment in Alberta.

First I would like to acknowledge that I have received excellent care with my battle against breast cancer - Alberta has the best doctors and nurses! Up until recently, all of my direct cancer treatments have been fully funded by the Alberta government - radiation, chemotherapy, Herceptin (a targeted Her2 therapy), Tamoxifen (a pre-menopausal hormone therapy), Femara (a post-menopausal hormone therapy), and Goseralin (a drug to shut down my ovaries). Any drugs that are needed to handle the side-effects of these treatments are for the most part the responsibility of the patient - anti-nausea, steroids, blood boosters.....

I am currently on my fourth round of a chemotherapy called Xeloda with a targeted Her2 therapy called Tykerb. Tykerb has just recently come out of trial and is available for prescription. I was taken back when my doctor advised that Tykerb is not funded by the Alberta government. Alberta Oncologists have been pressuring the government to cover the drug but have not been successful. When I saw my doctor on September 30th I once again voiced my concern that this drug is not covered. He encouraged me to write a letter to the Premier and the Minister of Health and Wellness as the drug is fully covered in Saskatchewan and Nova Scotia.

A 30 day supply of Tykerb costs $3,496.57! I am fortunate to have some coverage through private insurance and the drug company has a drug assistance program, but this drug should be fully covered by the government just like it has covered Herceptin (the first line of defense against Her2 positive breast cancer).

I have started a petition to create some awareness to what is happening with new breast cancer treatments. With people donating so much money this month for a cure for breast cancer, I wanted to share that your money is making a difference and new treatments are being discovered! But new treatments are not necessarily very accessible to those who desperately need it!

Who should sign this petition?

Women. In 2010, it is estimated 23,200 women will be diagnosed with breast cancer. That is 445/week! That includes women of all ages. At my recent appointment my doctor shared that he recently diagnosed an 18 year old and a 25 year old. Breast cancer is not an 'old woman' disease. 100 women a week die of breast cancer.

For the women in your life - your grandma, mom, wife, daughter(s), granddaughter(s). I hope they never get diagnosed with breast cancer, or any cancer at that. But if they should, wouldn't you want them to have all the access to treatment as possible?

Any woman who currently has breast cancer, any woman who has had breast cancer, or any individual who loves somebody who has or had breast cancer. We need to stick together and be a force to be reckoned with. Some of us are not as fortunate to be 'cured'. And for those whose cancer will come back, you too may need a new targeted therapy.

For any woman who has or had Her2 positive breast cancer - drugs like Tykerb and a trial drug called TDM1 are the new drugs to help increase your chance of survival.

Anyone who has lost someone to breast cancer.

Anyone who owns or works for a company with a drug plan. Should targeted therapies be claims under private insurance plans, your plans will be greatly affected and premiums will skyrocket.

For anyone who does not have private drug coverage. Targeted therapies are simply not feasible on your own.

And lastly, for anyone who knows me personally. I need your help. So often I get people saying "If there is anything I can do" - well here is something you can do to help me.

I will be collecting signatures up until October 25th. You can either stop by my house and sign a petition (a clipboard in inside the Rubbermaid container on the front step), you can e-mail me for a copy of the petition at odoson@shaw.ca and help me collect signatures. With Thanksgiving this weekend get your family to sign. Also approach friends and colleagues. You can either drop off the signatures at my house or mail them to me at:

Brenda Odovichuc 12 McCune Ave Red Deer, AB T4 N OH2

I will post on my blog how many signatures were collected and if I am able to make any difference in the coverage of Tykerb in Alberta.

SIGN ONLINE PETITION AT: http://www.gopetition.com/petition/40138.html

I greatly appreciate your help!!

My Indian House Wife

2010-09-11T19:24:00.000-07:00

Poor Carman. First the picture of him hemming curtains while watching the hockey game, and now today. Carman not only worked the morning at his sales job, then he came home and re-caulked the bathtub, re-sealed the trailer roof, then he came in the house and whipped up some Chicken Masala and rice and some homemade naan bread, yes naan bread. In addition, he made a batch of oatmeal raisin cookies. See all the dishes in the background, well he did all of them too. I LOVE MY MAN!

Ride Video

2010-09-10T11:45:00.001-07:00

Another Great Video

2010-09-10T11:21:00.000-07:00

Concert Tickets Purchased

2010-09-10T11:04:00.001-07:00

Last year when I was feeling awful and laying in bed, I caught the end of an interview of a guy on Canada AM. He said he had created a CD of well known songs by traveling the world and having other musicians playing along with the original recording. It really intrigued me. At that time you could only buy the CD at Starbucks or online. Quite awhile later Carman and I were near a Starbucks (we prefer Second Cup), and I ran into the store to see if thy had any CDs left. They had one - it was unwrapped and in the back. I said I would take it, and it has been my favorite CD ever since.

They have since created a Playing for Change Band and they have only one stop in Canada this fall in Calgary!!!!!!!!!!! You should seriously consider buying a ticket and joinging Carman . I KNOW you will have a memorable night!!! Concert is October 13th at the Mac Hall (at the UofC) and it starts at 7pm.

Oh, Hello!

2010-09-08T14:18:00.001-07:00

I've been getting the usual flack again that I haven't blogged in awhile. To be truthfuly honest I just haven't had the urge to write. But I know people care about me and just want an update now and again. So here it goes....

I am half way through my third cycle of oral chemo and Tykerb (the expensive wonder drug). On a day-to-day basis this chemo is much, much easier than the taxal I was on. However, I still have some side effects: tiredness, cracks between my toes, the odd barff session, and the every wonderful trots. Never before have I had to take care of my feet, but it is pretty much routine now that I lather them up with either George's or Udder Cream - my heels have never looks so good. My last doctor's appointment went well. By the results from my blood test one of the liver tests was stable and the other had improved. And by visually looking at me my doctor thought I was doing great.

I admit I can't always use cancer as an excuse for my lack of productivity some days. I have been bit by the laziness bug I think which I am trying to crack down on. I've given myself a weekly TO-DO list to tackle those things that never seem to get done. This week I have to take the bottles in, take a load of paper to be shredded, make a drop off a Value Village, and touch-up paint some trim that bugs the heck out of me every time a look at it. Today nothing has been crossed off so tomorrow will have to be a busy day.

On the work front I have been taking the odd case on and it feels really great!! I am still not in the position to be working full-time, but I sure enjoy sharing my knowledge. I have been doing some research on real estate investing and dividend portfolios. I would be happy to share my findings with anybody who want to listen - tee hee!

I am also trying to turn over a new leaf. In my pre-cancer days I always looked forward to the fall as I would enroll in classes or get on a new fitness program. I wish my body could once again do a step class, but for now it likes to just go on walks with Charlee. So, this fall my 'new leaf' is I am trying to be more diligent on putting a good tasting meals on the table for when Carman gets home from work. Last week went very well! I made a chicken Tex Mex concoction in the slow cooker served over Mexican rice and then a Lemon Herb Chicken with smashed potatoes and carrots. Yes it was a lot of chicken but my body doesn't seem to be very fond of beef. This week didn't go so well so far. Last night I made the most awful Turkey Vegetable bake that it looked like and tasted like a dog's breakfast that it went straight into the garbage and we ordered in pizza. I hope to redeem myself tomorrow night with a pot roast.

We've been camping a total of 18 nights this summer and hope to get out one more time before the dreaded awful snow comes. Charlee is a great little camper and likes that she gets to sleep all night in the bed with us. I have enjoyed playing a little game which I have called interrogation with my friend Curtis - good times!

I am anxiously awaiting to find out what little bundle of joy my sister Jodi will give birth to. I am guessing a dark featured little girl since her son Jacob is blond blue eyed.

Spiritually I have been trying to get into my thick skull that God does not want me to consider my life beyond today, becuase right now is the gift he has given me. Yes I can hopes and dreams for tomorrow, but I need to live in today.

Lastly, my hair is coming in well but I still can't hold it between my fingers. Carman is already getting on my case that I should die it as the Arctic Fox coloring is fairly prominent. He also was laughing at me that I should try putting some product in because on the sides it is really flat but I get a really weird tuff in the front!

Ride to Conquer Cancer 2010

2010-08-30T18:08:00.000-07:00

Brenda has asked me to provide a little summary of this year's ride - sorry that it is so long overdue! I have been trying to personally thank everyone who contributed to this year's Ride to Conquer Cancer, either by email, phone, or in person, but it is taking far too long so I apologize if you have not heard from me yet.

I received 127 donations, totalling just over $14,000 which far exceeded my original goal of $6,000! So, thank-you, thank-you, thank-you to all who donated! All money raised during this event goes directly to the Alberta Cancer Foundation and this year we raised over $7.3 million, which is a record for any single fundraising event in Alberta history, so I am very proud to be a part of it.

This year's event started and ended at Spruce Meadows, just south of Calgary, which is a beautiful venue to host the event, but proved to be a bit of a traffic nightmare, the morning of the event. Fortunately the ride was delayed approx half an hour, otherwise Brenda would not have made it in time to see me off.

Day 1 began at about 8:30 am and after a couple of pit stops to recharge and have lunch along the way, it ended at approx 1:00 pm and 115 kms later. It was a beautiful day, with a slight breeze and temperatures hovering between 25 to 30 degrees. It was a fairly enjoyable ride, except for maybe the 15 km hill just south of Nanton that lasted for about 45 minutes and came after already riding over 90 kms in the heat - I would have preferred to skip that part!

Our camp was setup at Chain Lakes Provincial Park, complete with hot showers, lots of food, cold beer, music, and two-man tents for as far as the eye could see. It was quite the sight! Just like last year, everyone was in bed by 9:30 and you could hear a pin drop by 10 o'clock. Nothing like a little exercise and fresh air to knock a person out!

The ride on day 2 began at about 7:30 am and 105 kms later ended at approx 11:10 am. My butt was a little sore for the first hour or so until it either went numb or I managed to block out the pain, and the last hour or two I counted down the kms because my knees were starting to give out, but overall I thought I faired pretty well. The Ride to Conquer Cancer is a "ride", not a "race", but for those that are somewhat competitive, it is not just a leisurely pedal through the countryside - the competitive spirit kicks in! So when I finished in the top 50 out of 1880 riders, I was really happy and proud of how I did.

All the pain and sweat was definitely worthwhile, especially when I crossed the finished line and Brenda was there waiting for me and came running to give me a big hug and kiss. I can't wait to do it all over again!

Thanks again to everyone who contributed and I still plan to contact you all one by one to thank you personally.

Never Give Up

2010-07-19T13:54:00.000-07:00

Today I got some bad news about someone I know who is battling cancer - the cancer has spread and the next step is to get treatment in the States. We (cancer patients) can't give up because that next treatment might just be the ticket to erasing cancer from our bodies.

Oh there have been times when I wanted to give up: like when I had to make a bed in my aunt's bathroom because I was exhausted from walking the short distance from the bed to the can all night long, or when my first round of chemo landed me in the hospital and Carman had to daily bring me a supply of clean underwear, or when it was a sunny day and we were out camping and I found I couldn't even enjoy myself because I felt so crappy, or when the doctor tells you the cancer has spread and you have to try something else.

When you are Stage 4 you are competing in back-to-back Iron Man competitions, but you don't have the slick body or brains to compete with. You just have to keep putting one foot in front of the other. Sometimes you feel like you have rubber boots on and you are stuck in the middle of a mucky field in the middle of the night and other times you feel completely well and you jump on your Vespa and go buy yourself a chocolate bar.

If you read my blog you know how much I love to read. Katherine Russel-Rich wrote a book about her battle with Stage 4 breast cancer. She got diagnosed in her early 30s and she is in her 50s today! I found this video clip of her - the first couple of minutes is about her struggle with cancer. It just goes to prove to me, and I hope to you, that just because I have cancer does not mean that you should be shopping for an outfit for my funeral - it just might grow out of fashion.

http://ishare.rediff.com/video/Entertainment/Interview-with-Katherine-Russell-Rich/690467

Feelings

2010-07-19T13:14:00.001-07:00

So my mom was telling me the other day that someone was asking her about my 'feelings'. I don't talk about my feelings much with just any body. And who I do get 'deep' with might surprise some. Sure the person I talk to the most is Carman, but I have a very select few who know some of my deepest feelings. It is very private for me to disclose my deepest thoughts - I think it is no different than just asking someone how much money they make or how much sex they are having.

You don't start chatting it up a the mall and say: "So how much money did you make this month?" It is on this same level to ask a cancer patient: "How are you feeling emotionally?"

I have found conversations have developed just naturally. For instance, my brother and sister-in law and I had a really great and deep conversation about Heaven not too long ago. Mel (my sister-in-law) saw that I had bought the book Heaven by Andy Alcorn and the conversation just developed. Or, I was talking to a women who is also battling stage 4 breast cancer which gave me a chance to talk to someone who could really relate to some of the same issues I deal with.

I also find that I have a much easier time talking about my feelings in intimate settings with my fellow believers in Christ. You see, us Christians have been given many, many promises by our Heavenly Father and sometimes we need our fellow believers to remind us of those. I think if you are a non-believer you would sometimes think I am crazy or weird for my feelings, and truthfully I am just not strong enough right now to try and explain myself to those who don't know Christ. I still think it is rather funny that I used to think 'church people' were dull, judgemental, perfect... that couldn't be further from the truth.

So if you ask me how I am feeling I will probably just answer "really good, or a bit tired, or I am looking forward to having hair" all which are completely true. But want to see inside my heart, that's pretty personal.

The other day my neighbour came over to tell me she saw a skunk and her two babies on our front yard and she complimented me saying she thought I looked like the 'poster girl for cancer'. Now that is the way to talk to a cancer patient! She didn't ask me about my feelings!

Updates

2010-06-22T08:00:00.000-07:00

We met with the doctor on Friday to get the results of my most recent scan. The good news is my bones are stable, the bad news there is activity on my liver again. Of course it is not the news I want to here. I want to here the ever so desired news of NED (no evidence of disease). I still believe that can happen. I believe in an awesome God who has raised people from the dead - he can handle some uncooperative cell growth!

We are waiting to hear from our insurance company to see if they will cover the drug for treatment option number one - so please help us pray for this.

Carman is so close to his goal this morning of raising $10,000 for his ride. He is at $9,030!!!! Please donate to help us reach our goal, and to help find a cure for cancer. The link to donate is in the posting below.

I have been back in the pool swimming, running errands on my Vespa, walking Charlee down at the dog park, and trying to control the weeds in my flower beds. It is nice to feel active again. With work I have never been very busy in the summer so along with getting caught up on some things I have been making a mental list on some projects I might research - real estate investing: is it all that it is marketed to be? and taking some courses toward the Registered Health Underwriter which gives a designation in specializing in living benefits (disability, critical illness, and long term care insurance).

Help!!!

2010-06-06T19:23:00.000-07:00

Once again, I need your help! The (I) is me, Carman - Brenda's husband.

On June 26th and 27th I will be participating in the 2010 Ride to Conquer Cancer. Last year I participated as a crew member, slinging participants gear, loading water stations with 5 gallon bottles of water, and helping to set up some of the hundreds of tents we all slept in the first night.

Last year was such an amazing experience, seeing everyone pull together and persevere; 1) to raise money, and 2) to accomplish the goal of riding 200 kms in 2 days. Both tasks can prove to be difficult! Many people, including me, are not accustomed to asking for money, let alone riding a peddle bike further than the neighbourhood 7 Eleven for a Slurpee. However, last year I saw participants of all shapes and sizes, ages, and biking abilities and realized that if they could do it, so could I! I saw participants finish the ride on vintage single speed bikes, mountain bikes, and one guy even did it on a BMX bike. It became very clear that the ride came second; the driving force was the need for a cure.

My driving force is my wife. Many of you who follow her blog have gotten to know her better. You read about her struggles, the good times and the bad, and ride the roller coaster along with her. I hope that you have come to realize how wonderful she is; that you now see the person I married - with all she is going through, she still thinks of everyone else first, and has such a giving heart.

I am hoping that you can find it in your heart to give, as well. It is now projected that cancer will affect 50% of all Canadians at some point in their life. Funds from the Ride to Conquer Cancer support the Alberta Cancer Foundation, which means all forms of cancer and all forms of research - not just breast cancer or prostate cancer or lung cancer - all types.

We have seen firsthand, over the past few couple of years, how important fundraising like this is. Newer and better treatments are being implemented on a regular basis and it is definitely making a difference.

Below is a link to my personal page for the Ride to Conquer Cancer. As a rider I am required to raise a minimum of $2500. I am hoping, with your help, that I can exceed that by 2 or 3 times!

http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Alberta2010?px=1883410&pg=personal&fr_id=1332

Thank-you so much for your support!

Carman

Bill & Carman

2010-06-06T19:05:00.000-07:00

Getting ready for fundraising for The Ride to Conquer Cancer - you would think it would be easy to get a serious picture. These two couldn't stop horsing around.

Good Medicine

2010-06-06T17:46:00.000-07:00

Charlee has been such good medicine for me. She is such a clown. She really enjoys playing with the sprinkler.

Stainless Steel Christmas

2010-06-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

When our BBQ rolled off the deck in the last wind storm Carman was adamant that we get a new one. You should have seen him at Costco when I approved any BBQ he wanted. I don't think I have ever seen him smile so big.

Those who have been fortunate enough to enjoy one of Carman's meals (he is an unschooled amateur chef), you know I am one lucky girl.

The steaks are cooking while we speak!

Calico

2010-05-06T20:49:00.000-07:00

My hair started falling out yesterday. I scrubbed and scrubbed my head for just about an hour in the shower before I finally gave up - my skin was pruning up! Last time I lost my hair it pretty much fell out evenly one morning. This time is different. My sides and a strip horizontally in the back has fallen out considerably. Today I was hoping the rest would be released but it is still hanging on. I don't want to be caught without a hat on, I might frighten small children - tee hee!

Carman has been calling me his Calico Cat. I don't really like cats so it can just fall out!

Wedding Band

2010-05-06T20:26:00.000-07:00

Ever since chemo last year my hands have been puffy. I can still get my wedding band off, but I have to use soap and water or lotion to pry it off my finger. When we took our road trip from Phoenix to San Diego I had to take it off with the heat. It finally dawned on me that I could get is size larger - duh!! So I am going up from size 5 to 6 and my ring will look like new again!

When Carman and I decided to finally get married 10 years ago this August after 7 years of dating it wasn't a traditional affair. I was looking at getting my own apartment after years of living with a roommate and I asked Carman if maybe we should get married. Carman and I had always made comments 'when we get married', but to my memory I never asked him 'when are we going to get married?' until that car ride back to Calgary (after being home to both Camrose and Stettler visiting family). The whole big white dress, guest list, budget factor didn't ever appeal to us. Oh, back to the car ride. Because we had visions of eloping to somewhere cool like Vancouver Island or Ethiopia Carman didn't think the time was right. We were young, living in the city from pay to to pay cheque. Our dream elopement just wasn't feasible (because neither of us wanted to go into debt just to get married). Carman dropped me off and I was going to get a paper to hunt for a cute apartment. No less than 10 minutes later Carman called me and said "I don't want to wait anymore". And neither did I. A month later we eloped to the beautiful mountain village of Banff and it was absolutely perfect.

There was no need for an engagement ring so I bought myself (I still have the Mastercard Statement to prove it) a plain white and gold wedding band for just over $300. Aunt Rochelle gave Carman her late husband wedding ring which sported 3 diamonds (yes, Carman got the bling).

I love my ring and I can't wait until it is a size bigger next week!

Purge

2010-05-06T20:10:00.000-07:00

Carman and I share an 1970's bedroom closet. With a well designed his and her's organizer we surely maximize our space. However because of this, I rotate my Spring/Summer and Fall/Winter wardrobes - if you could call them that. It only takes up a Rubbermaid container. Monday I finally switched my 'wardrobe' over, but I purged a lot of stuff. You see, because of my 1/2 right lopsided breast, my scar, and my port-o-cath, I am uncomfortable wearing many of my shirts. So I packed them all up for someone else to enjoy. It is amazing how many women's shirts are fairly low cut. Hey, if I had a nice rack I would probably accentuate it too. Last year I wore anything from a size 4-10 pants - so the lower sizes had to go. My mother-in-law commented on how she didn't want me to ever get that skinny again (nor do I) so some skinny, shorty out there gets to enjoy my skinny pants!

So this I-don't-really-enjoy-shopping-gal has been on the hunt for shirt style that are not too low cut. I did find some styles at R&W Co, but I sure had to scour the mall to find them. For all those women out there who like to shop, I commission you to keep an eye out for shirts that fit the bill - higher necked.

Shopaholics, I give you permission to use me an excuse for you husbands - your helping a woman in need!

Yes, Top With Whipping Cream

2010-05-06T19:55:00.000-07:00

Women are women. Who doesn't want Brook Burke's figure? Pre-cancer I channeled my will power not to eat my daily dose of chocolate (preferably dark chocolate), and my Coke on the rocks, but after cancer I have had periods where it took great will power to eat. During radiation my appetite was very limited and I had to really focus just to eat a small plate of veggies or Auntie Rochelle's rice pudding.

Today I do try to watch what I eat, but I really enjoy food. After my 4 days post-chemo of spewing some really great meals, I want to eat. Sure I would like to reduce the flab I have acquired since cancer - my toned arms and legs are pretty weak, but food is worth savoring.

Today I was at the Cancer Centre getting my blood checked for tomorrow's chemo and I recognized one of the ladies in the waiting room. I couldn't remember from where, so I simply said: "I know you from somewhere!". She pegged it faster than I did - from the church's women's bible study. We had a lovely (doesn't that sound so British) chat. We both voice how thankful we are for our appetites - we both have suffered times where eating was not appealing. We both agreed and laughed about our instant, non-hesitation to top drinks with whipping cream.

I think your hot Brook Burke, but I think I am going to enjoy my vanilla bean hot chocolate topped with whipping cream!

Why I Blog

2010-05-06T19:20:00.000-07:00

Initially I started my blog to limit the amount of phone calls we were getting. We know we are well loved, but it was getting too much to repeat the same news over and over again. And often times Carman was the one answering the phone because I just didn't have the mental energy to do it.

However, today I blog for different reasons. I still use it to keep people updated on how I am feeling, but it feels very different now. We greatly appreciate our Christian brothers and sisters who use the blog as an update on how to pray - we believe in prayer and greatly appreciate those who petition our Saviour for healing. We without a doubt believe God can still heal my body completely (here on earth). If he can raise people from the dead, he can erase some misbehaving cells!

I write this post because of a conversation I recently had with my sister Jodi. Just like the Will Farell skit on Saturday Night Live: Give me More Cow Bell, I get the comment: You haven't posted in a while. Jodi said "Give us more blog". I hadn't realized I had a quota to fill - tee hee! But I don't write so my mom can call Jodi to ask her if she read my new blog post, nor do I blog to necessarily have an open conversation about my feelings. I have never been very private, obviously. But, I often want my posts to be a private one sided conversation. I write some personal stuff simply to share with that other cancer survivor about my experiences, or to the family members of friends to that person.

Carman sometimes comments on my spelling or grammar mistakes like an editor, but I always get after him that I am not writing to be graded or published. I know an English teacher would be appalled by my punctuation, but I was never the best student.

Side story: When my college diploma arrived in the mail I was telling my younger sister about it. She asked me to read her what it said. I shared that it said Diploma in Business Administration with a major in Marketing (Hons). I then commented that I didn't know what Hons meant. Tara being the 'brains' of the family laughed and said I got honours. Shows how smart I am!

It is pretty cool when a stranger who lives in a far away land like Israel, UK, or Ontario emails me to encourages us. I have especially liked when people comment on Carman. He is truly a very, very special man. When a complete stranger recognizes it through my writing it brings me deep joy

I also blog to be a testament to my faith. I know so many people say "What kind of God does this?" or "Why God?", or "Where is he?" I don't have the answers, but I trust him. I have to believe that my life has purpose and my existence isn't just because or chance. As my therapist Sherri said to me once, "God is weaving an amazing beautiful tapestry with my life woven into it". What color do you think my thread is? I'm thinking a Scarlet Red, Aqua Blue combo. Or maybe a combination of leaf greens.

There is life with Stage 4 breast cancer. It is not a solace, rose colored life, but there are times of joy and laughter and peace. I also have hope for a long life. I have read many stories of years, and years of continued treatment in different shapes and form, but life. The Lord wants me to choose life so I do. Yes there has been physical and emotional pain, tears, more tears, distorted taste buds, vomit, a dripping nose, pokes and prods, baldness, weight gain, loss of energy, but I love my life.

Totally enjoying my Vespa! Carman ordered my an orange scooter helmet to help complete my dorky scooter look. I'll post a picture when it arrives.

Cuddle Time

2010-04-28T12:56:00.000-07:00

I'm a pretty strict dog owner - well, I used to be. With Rudy we never allowed her on the furniture or on the bed (except for camping). With Charlee I have become soft. She is still not allowed on the couches, but I broken down and let her cuddle with me a bed. Can you beleive it!

Once again I am sporting the Sinead O'Connor. When Carman shaved my head again my hair

Vespa-ing

2010-04-28T12:50:00.000-07:00

I've wanted a Vespa for some time now. I've had a pictures of them on our fridge for several years. So when I heard I had to do more chemo, I decided I wanted some fun in my life. I know, I look pretty darn cool!

ER

2010-04-28T12:31:00.001-07:00

When you are on chemo you have to constantly monitor your temperature to make sure you are not running a fever. On day five during my first round of chemo in January 2009 I ran a fever and spend 5 days in the hospital being pumped with antibiotics. Those five days were some of the hardest days of my life. So when I started running a fever on day four during this second time with chemo I was not looking forward to a trip to the ER - I did not want another stay in the hospital.

Unfortunately what 'I want' did not come true. Because of the bed shortage I had to spend the night in the ER and it was brutal. It took until 5pm the next day to get a bed and I admit I had some breakdowns during that time. Between the babies crying, sounds of people wretching, large carts being pushed, the toilet flushing, and the construction I found myself on the verge of walking out many times. But, refusing care really isn't an option when you are on chemo and running a fever.

When I finally got my bed I was past tired and it took 2 Ativan and a sleeping pill to knock this girl out.

On Thursday night Carman and my dad delivered the care package you all helped with. Travis just so happened to be about 3 doors down. Travis and Jamie were both pretty taken-back with the unexpected gift. To my surprise it was Jamie birthday! Jamie stopped by my room several times and we got a chance to get to know each other. It is like I've known Jamie a long time. I also got a chance to visit with Travis a bit too.

I can already picture Carman and I riding out to Travis and Jamie's for Lincoln's sixth birthday.

2010-04-23T19:38:00.000-07:00

Everyone is probably wondering how Brenda made out collecting for the couple that she met during her recent chemo treatment at the hospital so I will update you briefly and let her fill in the blanks when she is home and able to again.

Firstly, I am posting for her because she has spent the past 48 hours in the hospital due to a chemo related fever and low blood counts. The same thing happened after her very first chemo treatment last January, so it is clear that it is just too much of a shock to her system. Fortunately she was a lot stronger physically this time around, so she will be out fairly quickly and back home where she is a lot more comfortable and has her nurse, Charlee (our dog) to comfort her.

Her parents were here the past couple of days helping out while Brenda was in the hospital, so last night her dad and I took everything that had come in over the past few days, to the hospital. There was four extra large gift bags and three cardboard boxes packed full of clothes, blankets, toys, diapers, and gifts, and another gift bag stuffed full of gift cards and cash. We are very thankful to everyone who was able to contribute - it will go a long ways in helping this couple out and just make things a little bit easier as they struggle through their current situation. It was not a coincidence that Brenda met them last Friday - it is quite obvious they were brought together to change each others lives and that has already become quite apparent.

Some of you have emailed the last couple of days to ask if you could still contribute and the answer is yes! We had more dropped off today and can take more to them next week - it is all very much needed and very much appreciated!

Carman

HELP!

2010-04-17T07:58:00.000-07:00

First let me clarify that I don't need any help. On Friday I had my second round (9th session of Doxetaol and 19th of Hercpetin. I was happy to get my favorite nurse Chris (he is the best)

Since I had a Caring Hands jewelery party the night before I brought in one of the stands in for 'show-and-tell'. While Chris was taking a look at the jewelery another patent's wife (caring her new born baby) bought a couple of necklaces and we got taking. Right before Christmas her husband (age 27) got sick and has been in the hospital ever since. They are from a small town a ways from Red Deer. Because she was always up the hospital, and she was was getting close to delivering their baby she too was admitted. Their baby boy is a month old now and his dad is still very sick in the hospital.

I just can't stop thinking about them. I need to help them some how. I am certain as they were planning for the birth of their baby, and the joy he would bring, it would not have been under these circumstances. You can just see it in her eyes how overwhelmed she is - who wouldn't be.

So I call out for help! May I humbly ask you to considering contributing to a care package in a small way. Here is what I would like to assemble:

Tim Hortons Gift Cards (there is one right by the hosptial she could go eat at).
Safeway Cards - Is the nearest grocery store to the 2 bedroom apartment she is renting.
PetroCanada Cards - the nearest gas station
Chapters or Scotts Parables Gift Cards (I encouraged them to read - he is reading the Lance Armnstrong book right now).
Their baby boy is one month old - I am not certain if there has even been a shower for him. Little boy clothes over 1 month and up to say 9 months would be great . Small toys would also be nice - please nothing big. I think small books that focus on being a family would be something they could all snuggle up in his bed and read together
And of course, Cash is always needed.
Please pray for healing and peace.

Talk to your co-workers, neighbours, your church to see how you could all contribute. If each gives even $5 it can go a long way when you are living under their circumstances!

I know he is going down for more extensive chemo again this week. So I would like to get these care packages up to them as soon as possible - time is of the essence!!!!!!!! I would like to send a package up on Wednesday or Thursday (April 22nd).

Please drop of or mail your contributions to my house:

Brenda Odovichuc

12 McCune Ave

Red Deer, AB

T4N 0H2

If I am not home, or if I am stuck in the bathroom, please just leave your envelope in the mailbox or your gift between the front door.

This couple needs to be shown that they are not alone, and that they are not forgotten. Please, oh please, help me show them this

Brenda

Weeds

2010-04-11T19:33:00.000-07:00

That's what is growing in my bones - bad weeds. Unfortunately, I got bad news on Friday and I am going back on chemo this week. Carman always likes to focus on the positive so I share that my heart is still in great shape (all those laps in the pool weren't for nothin') and my vital organs are clean. It is just the bones that have flared-up again. In a way I was surprised about the news as I have been feeling pretty good most days. I have been achy, but I thought that was just a side effect of one of my drugs. I am thankful that it was caught early enough because bone pain is no fun.

My doctor is going to put me back on the same chemo as before so it should be familiar. My last chemo was only in July and I have erased much of that time from my memory - or maybe it is still my 'chemo brain'. I remember I have a delayed response so by about day 4 I have 3 really bad days. I remember I didn't care much for meat and my sweet tooth went of vacation. I remember that I struggled with the 'runs' and was caught on many walks with Rudy thinking I was going to have an accident. If any of you see me on my walking route with messy pant please don't laugh!

Nurse Charlee (our new dog) is being promoted to Dog Therapy Nurse. Because she loves to cuddle I think I will be well taken care of. And, she puts a smile on my face with her antics. I still really miss Rudy though. I still have hope of having a future. I've recently had visions of me wearing a 'I'm Cancer Free' t-shirt. So please don't think 'this-is-it' for me.

To balance out this really crappy news we've decided I should make my Vespa driving dreams come true. Carman has already found one in Calgary and will call tomorrow to put on hold. I plan on buying a fun new leather jacket (because you can't wear a Harley Davidson jacket on a Vespa) and my riding boots are going to be some cowboy boots. Stay tuned for some pictures.

Once again I will loose my hair so before it falls out Carman buzz my head. I think I will also treat myself to some comfy clothes and pajamas.It is disappointing to be on chemo again as I have enjoyed getting back into the swing of things with work. Like last time, I will continue to work on a limited basis. Because my immune system will be thrashed face-to-face contact will have to be limited. Recently I was telling my sister Tara that I would like to try writing some 'industry' articles to try and get published. This 'chemo' time might just be the time to attempt this.

It sucks rocks that I have to do chemo again, but I continue to trust in the Lord.

Back in the Pool

2010-02-18T17:32:00.000-08:00

In August last year I started swimming to try and get back into some sort of shape. Prior to getting cancer I was in some of the best shape of my life (well, let me rephrase that - since getting married). I certainly wasn't on the cover of Fit magazine, but I could hold my own in a step class and my lung capacity was pretty darn good. Cancer treatment completely zapped me and at the end atrophied the muscles in my legs. Even going up and down the stairs was uncomfortable. I decided to swim because it is something I loved to do growing-up, and I thought it would be the best thing for my joints - my physiotherapist agreed.

I still remember the first time in the pool. I was bald and my lung capacity was horrible. The physiotherapist warned me to just do breast stroke (now isn't that amusing) because my shoulder was so stiff (from radiation and lymphodema). I remember thinking 'what does she know'? She was right, I could barely swim one length my lung capacity was so bad and my arm barely moved me through the water.

I am happy to report today that I am swimming 10 laps of breast stroke and 10 laps of front crawl in about 35 minutes. I try to get in the pool three mornings a week! And I thought I was doing pretty darn good until I was talking to one of the ladies on Wednesday morning. I asked her how many laps she swims and she swims 60! I guess I will be trying to swim 25 tomorrow morning.

Olympics

2010-02-16T18:05:00.000-08:00

I've been telling people since I have the privilege of being home so much that I am trying to watch the Olympics as much as possible. Yes, I am working in my home office, but I am allowing myself to slowly get back into the game of 9-5. I probably will never work like I used to. Between still actively getting treatment, physio, massages, acupuncture, and just exercising, I enjoy helping out in my friend's grade 2 class once a week. I have also taken on the endeavour of selling Caring Hands jewelry which I will share more about in another post.

Back to the Olympics. Today I couldn't help but think about my friend Saugen. Actually, her name is Kristine, but I always thought the name was too 'girly' so I have always referred to her by her good Norwegian last name. Saugen and I met in high school and hit it off right away. We both liked camping, athletics, and of course partying. She now lives in Nova Scotia and I haven't seen her in years. Back in the day she was a great biathlete and trained continuously. Today a German won gold in biathlon and she was pretty and blonde just like Saugen.

Isn't it awesome that Canada has won 2 Gold metals!!!! Go Canada Go!

The picture was taken of me and Saugen when we were 17 or 18. We were out camping somewhere getting into no good. Oh, to be young again. Love and miss you Saugen!

Welcome Charlee!

2010-02-11T08:26:00.000-08:00

Sunday night Carman and I got a new puppy who we have named Charlee. She is so sweet and soft and it is nice to have the pitter-patter of feet in our home again. She is a boxer, but I think she looks more like a Gremlin.

She loves to lay at my feet when I work in my home office and is pretty much stuck to me like velcro.

Her under bite doesn't always show, but I love when her bottom teeth stick out.

Stitch-it

2010-02-11T08:19:00.000-08:00

This totally off course, but I wanted to share with everyone what a great experience I recently had at Stitch-it in Parkland Mall. Being 5'1 I am always getting pants hemmed. Since moving to Red Deer I have gone to Stitch-it because of their great prices. The last few times I found the service not as good and the wait times a week; however, things have changed! They have a new manager, Ali, and he is fantastic. We are the same age so we found lots of things to talk about. Next time you need something hemmed or tailored please consider giving your business to my new friend Ali.

Road Trip - Florence Oregon

2010-02-08T09:14:00.000-08:00

Passing the boarder into Oregon made me feel like it is a place I could live. The roaring ocean and quaint seaside homes were inviting. Driving into town we saw a billboard 'All rooms with ocean view', so we knew where we were going to stay. We threw our bags on the bed and set-out to walk down the beach before it got too dark. The ocean here is quite wild. Of course Carman wanted to walk as close to the water as possible. I tend to be more cautious and had a more comfortable distance. The ocean did teach Carman and lesson and at one point he found himself running pretty good from being swept away. Boys will always be boys.

Road Trip - Redwoods

2010-02-08T09:07:00.000-08:00

Northern California was gorgeous - breathtaking canopied treed roads. I have always known I was a tree lover, but after driving through the desert in Phoenix and the rugged landscapes of California, I realized I am most happy around trees. At one point we stopped at a place that said 'Large Tree' which had a little trail for hiking. The weather wasn't that great, but we decided to do a little hiking. About 20 minutes in it started to pour; however, I think it was totally worth it - the large trees, moss, and large clover were all things we had never seen before.

Road Trip - San Fransisco

2010-02-08T08:55:00.000-08:00

We found San Fransisco quite intimidating at first. All of the concrete and hills, and no over-the-street street lights. But then my old friend from high school Meredith picked us up for a private tour and the city really grew on us. I would love to go back! The really funny thing is when Carman and I drove in to San Fransisco we thought we were on the Golden Gate bridge when we were actually on the Bay Bridge. Can I at least state that it was extremely foggy. And to make it even worse, no matter how hard we tried we could not get on the Golden Gate to get out of San Fransisco. Who goes to San Fransisco and doesn't go on the bridge? Us!

It was really neat to see how Meredith and her family live in such a unquie city, and to see all of the scooters people drive due to the extreme lack of parking. I have always wanted a Vespa scooter, and leaving San Fransisco made me want a scooter even more. It is my goal to have one this summer.

Snip Snip

2010-02-08T08:09:00.000-08:00

On Tuesday I went to the hospital for day surgery to get both of my ovaries removed. This allows me to forgo the nasty injection into my abdomen, and it offers me the chance of increasing survival. The morning started off with having to give myself my own enema. I know, too much information, but I want to be as candid as possible for that one person who might read my blog someday who is going through what I have had to go through. It helps to be a bit prepared walking into a situation. It can also help relieve some anxiety. Okay, back to the enema (no pun intended). The purpose of the enema is to deflate your bowel to reduce the possibility of nicking it , or it getting in the way during surgery. The actual bottle looks like a hair dye bottle. Stick it up, squeeze in all of the liquid, lay down with your arse in the air for as long as you can stand it up to 10 minutes and voila.

They also require you to come in with a urine sample to confirm that you are not pregnant - there is nothing like walking around with your little brown bag.

With my right arm off limits due to lymphoma (lymphatic swelling), I knew they would have a hard time finding a vein. The fact that I had been fasting more than 12 hours also didn't lend well to the situation. It took them six tries to find a vein. I am still not totally sure why they just didn't use my port. My arm is fairly bruised, but is healing quickly.

Coming out of surgery wasn't a pleasant experience. I remember after my lumpectomy my throat was dry, but I was really relaxed and sleepy. This time, I was major agitated (didn't know how to lay, my legs were fidgety...), I had the rigors (shaking and cold), and I felt like I couldn't breath (my throat felt closed-up).

And then it hit me. My surgery was running late and Carman was to curl at 3pm. Our friend Dr. Bud was to be my back-up to driver to take me home. I was scared. I was in no shape for Bud to take over. Carman was holding my straw so I could drink and my describing word I was using to explain to the nurses of how I was feeling was 'funky'. Some gasping cries tried to communicate to Carman that I really didn't want him to leave. He assured me he didn't want to leave me either and he wouldn't be curling.

Do you remember when I got out of my lumpectomy surgery how I came-to saying how much I love camping? This time I am pretty sure I came-to saying "I just go out of a Yoga class"! I haven't taken a yoga class in years.

Once they pumped some gravol and T3 into me it lessened the 'funky' feeling. They were going to give me morphine, but Carman was quick to suggest it wasn't a good idea.

I was amazing that an hour later I was in the truck heading home not feeling too bad - weird.

Today (Monday), my bellybutton has a colourful bruise of green and purple. With laperscopic surgery they make an incision in the bellybutton, a small one about three inches off to the left of the bellybutton and a two inch incision by the pubic bone. I was never in any paid or much discomfort. It mostly felt like some menstrual cramps and fogginess from the drugs.

I am not sure if the second wave of menopause is about to hit, but so far I haven't had as many hot flashes in the night. The joys of menopause at 32. I think there should be some type of program which provides young women going through menopause a break. Like a free spa day or cooling blanket in the mail and certainly 10% off anywhere we shop. Hey, it doesn't hurt to dream.

Life

2010-01-28T09:02:00.000-08:00

Today in the 'notes' section of the bible - Acts 20:24 - the following is written:

We often feel that life is a failure unless we're getting a lot out of it: recognition, fun, money, success. But Paul considered life worth nothing unless he used it for God's work. What he put into life was far more important that what he got out. Which is more important to you - what you get out of life, or what you put into it?

AND,

Last night I finally got back to the women's bible study at CrossRoads and Shirley said something so profound I had to write it down:

I don't need to be more - I'm complete in you (Christ Jesus).

Good stuff!

Keep on Keeping On

2010-01-15T14:07:00.001-08:00

Just a quick break from my holiday postings to let you know Dr. Joy called today. Everything still looks the same and I will keep on with my current treatment for another 3 months!

Could you please keep praying for healing. I totally believe that one day they could do a scan and not see any cancer at all. All throughout the Bible there are accounts of healing so I know God has the ability to do that for me too.

Road Trip - Sequoia National Park

2010-01-15T13:49:00.000-08:00

Carman wanted to go to a football game and I wanted to see the giant trees. Everyone thinks of Redwoods when they think of large trees. But the largest in volume are actually the Sequoia. The road up to the top was by far the craziest road either of us has been on including our adventures in Thailand and the Philippines. We were very lucky that the park we even open. Usually they are closed this time of year because of snow fall. By the time we got to the largest tree in the world, the General Sherman, the sun was setting and our pictures were grainy. I got upset because I really wanted a picture in front off the tree so we decided to stay up on the mountain for the night. At 7000 feet the air was thin. I was pretty out of it. We got up first thing and went back down the road a short ways to get better pictures. It was pretty darn cool to be the only ones there for about 10 minutes before another couple arrive. I don't think many people can say they have had that experience. I know we were breaking the rules by jumping the fence, but we just couldn't resist.

The giant sequoia and the coast redwood are often confused as the same tree. They are quite different although they are in the same family. The giant sequoia is the world's largest tree based on volume while the coast redwood is the tallest tree. The giant sequoia grows in the mountains and the more plentiful redwood grows on the coast and is harvested for wood. (I have totally plagiarized this from the back of a postcard).

Road Trip - La Quinta (by Palm Springs)

2010-01-15T13:38:00.000-08:00

We enjoyed a night at Larry and Sylvie's in La Quinta. We loved the Palm Dessert/La Quinta area and would snowbird here if we ever get the chance. Larry and Sylvie have a pretty ruff life (not) so we thought they could use some company. I felt like a college student just stopping in to do some laundry, be fed, and soak up some sun by the pool - thanks Larry & Sylvie.

I did not like the road from San Diego to La Quinta - too twisty and drop offs. Just ahead of us was an accident of someone taking the bend to quick. That is was freaks me out the most - not Carman's driving, but the other guy. The young punks in the picture I think were all fine. I saw one of them retrieving his precious skateboard amongst the wreckage.

I also liked seeing all of the wind farms. I wish we were accessing more 'green' energy here in Alberta.

Volvo

2010-01-15T13:35:00.001-08:00

On a walk in San Deigo I saw this car and had to take a picture. I've always wanted to drive a Volvo! I have also wanted a VW Bus and a Vespa Scooter.

Hodad's

2010-01-15T13:31:00.001-08:00

This chocolate malt was large enough to feed a family of 6.

They don't believe in strip of bacon on their burgers. They make a bacon pattie!

Road Trip - San Diego

2010-01-15T13:15:00.000-08:00

We loved San Diego and look forward to going back some day soon. We stayed within walking distance to the San Diego zoo (even though we didn't go to the zoo) in Balboa Park at the Balboa Park Inn. This quaint old Inn was built for the 1915 World Fair. It was only $99/night and spotlessly clean. Yes the decor leaned more towards 'tacky', but we enjoyed its originality.

Have you ever watched the show Diners, Drive-ins and Dives? Carman and I love it and printed off a list of their restaurants before we left home. Our first stop was Pizzeria Luigi. You could get two large pizzas and a imported beer for $8! The place was hopin'!

On the Sunday we went to a Chargers game. Let it be known that I can't stand football. I know I am the minority, but it really is a stupid game. For Carman's sake I tried to make the best out of the afternoon people watching. I was quite intrigued with the whole cheerleader culture. When I think of cheerleaders I think of flips, lifts, and acrobatics. High school and college cheer teams wear practically turtlenecks and could compete in the Olympics with their tumbling skills. NFL cheerleaders are nothing more than pole dancers. I know sex sells, but come on.

The second restaurant on our list was Hodad's. We enjoyed a trip to Ocean Beach to watch the surfers and to check-out their Dog beach. Hodad's has the best burgers you have ever tasted. I will let the pictures speak for themselves.

Road Trip - Arizona

2010-01-15T12:48:00.000-08:00

On New Year's day we flew to Arizona to start our road trip. Don't even get me started on the whole 'new baggage' restrictions into the States. Especially because they don't have the same rules when you are on a flight in their country.

Our flights getting there were delayed so we arrived extremely hungry. This was the start of the Rules List. Rule #1 We have to be nice to each other all of the time. This rule was broken daily, but it gave us something to strive towards. Rule #2 - Carman is responsible for controlling his hunger and shouldn't take it out on others (a.k.a - me). You know how men get when they don't eat every 3 hours.

We stayed the night at Ray and Anita's. Ray plays ball with my dad. Thanks Ray & Anita for the beer and accommodations!

The large sand dunes near Yuma are quite something. It was weird to see all of the people RVing along the sand dunes with their families. But campers could look at us and think sitting around a campfire drinking beer is weird. The checkpoint for smuggling Mexicans is also unsettling - I guess Carman and I looked unsuspecting because we didn't get pulled over.

Road Trip - Kelowna

2010-01-15T12:32:00.001-08:00

Carman and I had a great time on our vacation. We first flew out to Kelowna to visit our friend Fred for two nights. I just love his parent's house - it is about 100 years old. Snuggling up by the fireplace reading my book was better than staying at a 4 star resort. Their cat Enzo agreed.

Carman and Fred went skiing for the day while his mom and I went for a walk. Thanks again Rod and Doreen for opening your home to us. We had the most amazing meal at RauDZ Regional Table. The next time you are in Kelowna you must eat there. My mouth is still drooling from their Char fish.

We met Fred at the dog park here in Red Deer but he now lives in the U.S - his parents live in Kelowna. Fred totally cracks me up. When he picked us up from the airport and we were heading out to he car, the guy in the truck in front of us was beaking-off about how he had parked. Fred's park job was fine considering who he had parked behind when he got there, but it left little room for this 'hot head'. Both Fred and I are not good at keeping our mouths shut. Of course I was the first one to pipe-up to the 'tacky-skido jacket wearing- redneck' which probably didn't help the situation. Then Fred flew off the handle. Poor Carman. You had to have been there, but it still brings a smile to my face.

Burning off Fat

2010-01-15T12:16:00.000-08:00

I think just about everyone starts off the New Year thinking about getting active and burning off some pounds. Just about a year ago I got out of the hospital and stepped on the scale and weighed 114 pounds. According to the BMI at 5'1 this is what I should weigh. I remember not liking the way I looked or felt. Actually, when I got home and looked in the mirror I cried because I thought I looked half dead. I told myself when I gained my weight back I wouldn't get after myself. Well, I am back to my pre-cancer weight, I feel like a whale and I am not doing very well at keeping my promise to myself. I think the difference is my body used to be quite muscular and now I feel quite flabby. So, I have told myself I need to get more active. How are you keeping active these days? Carman has been shedding the pounds at a spin class. My body can't handle that level of intensity yet, but I hope one day to join him.

The picture is of Becky and I snowshoeing on Boxing Day. The snow seems to be melting very quickly around here, but I thought of buying a pair. It was a workout and enjoyable.

Merry Christmas

2010-01-15T11:49:00.001-08:00

I know this is delayed, but it is never too late to celebrate Christ's birth. Christmas was a bit hard because we were so sad with Rudy gone. Our nieces and nephews, along with our crazy families kept us preoccupied. We spend one night at my parent's in Camrose- eating Ukrainian food and fighting over my auntie Carol's cookies (my grandma's famous recipe). My nephew Rykan is a little shyster (I know it is not nice to call little kids names, but he is quite the little boy and his mom agrees that he knows how to 'ham' things up) really wanted to play the board game Battle Ship. My loving and patient husband agreed to play with him and I wish we had it on video. You see, Rykan is 4 and knows how to count and the alphabet so Carman thought he could teach him. Carman would say, "do you see the letters along the along the top - A,B,C..." and Rykan would start singing the alphabet. And then he would have Rykan look for the numbers and Rykan would start counting to 20. Alex (my 6 year old niece) and I enjoyed playing with her sticker book - she is so smart. Jacob really didn't like Rykan taking his toys - I don't worry about him being bullied. Jacob also liked Auntie Carol's cookies wanted to go to be with 3 of his new trucks.

Then we spent 2 nights in Drayton Valley with Carman's family. Carman's dad made Ande and Kade (2) each a rocking chair. It was cute to watch them sit on their chairs and play only as two year olds do. Baby Tobi is so good and loves to cuddle (he must get this from the Park side of the family). Becky (Carman's sister) and I got out snowshoeing to try and burn of some treats. One of the gifts in the gift exchange was a game called 'Fart'. Can you imagine! It came with a CD and everything. For over and hour we had to listen to the guys play that stupid game.

I hope you had a wonderful Christmas. I know this particular holiday can be quite stressful for many families. Family members not getting along, disappointments when someone doesn't attend, words said, words not said........ It really isn't worth it. It make take a compromise on your part, but family is family.

Here is a picture with me and my sisters - Tara bought me a matching sweater for Christmas

last year. Tara, Me, Jodi, Kari. FYI - Tara is 30, lives in Edmonton ans is single. If anybody has a great guy .... they can contact me to go through the application process - when we were in high school a guy came to take Tara on a date and I had him convinced that we had an application he had to fill out before they left!!!! In advance, sorry Tara for the embarrassment!

Passed!

2010-01-13T13:47:00.000-08:00

I just wanted to share that I passed my CFP exam!!! Of the 1272 candidates who wrote, only 44.7% passed. Of those writing for the first time, 50.3% passed. Tomorrow, January 14th, my name will be on the list published in The Globe and Mail. It feels so good to finally have that done!

I miss my Nurse

2009-12-23T07:33:00.000-08:00

Last night Carman and I went to a movie just to get out of the house. We have become so accustomed to leaving the radio and light on, and giving Rudy 3 treats before we leave. Leaving a quiet dark house was hard. Then, coming home and not having Rudy casually come out of her kennel to say 'oh hi guys, your home', was hard too. Lot and lots of tears fell yesterday.

To be honest, I feel like we have suffered so much pain already this past year. I have had so much physical and emotional pain having to cope with cancer, and now to have a broken heart is really unbearable right now. And I feel so bad for Carman- here we were living a fantastic life and now he has had to watch his 'girls' go through so much and hold so much responsibility on his shoulders.

Rudy often got the title 'Nurse Rudy', and she took it seriously. Here is a picture of us cuddling downstairs. I was in the middle or radiation (I still had hair), and felt like total crap. Rudy was good at just being there for me.

Goodbye Rudy

2009-12-22T10:50:00.000-08:00

Today was a very, very hard day for Carman and I. This morning we put our dog Rudy to sleep. Several years ago now she was diagnosed with Wobblers disease. - she was dragging her front paws to the point of bleeding and falling down the stairs. With chiropractor care we were able to manage her symptoms very well, but even that was no longer working. Over the past couple days she was loosing bowel control and no longer wanted to go down the stairs or get-up for her daily walks - she was loosing her zest for life.

Rudy came to us when she was only 8 weeks old with a Shriner's hat on (her ears were taped-up to a foam cup). She won over our hearts right away. As she grew, so did her personality. She loved to jump over fallen trees, roller-blade and run with our bike, peanut butter, sleeping on the bed when we went camping, sun tanning, sneaking food off the counter, giving kisses, barking at the mailman, but most of all she loved to be petted constantly.

We have met many people becuse of Rudy, and some have become lifelong friends. Rudy was also there to be sense of comfort over the past year for both Carman and I as we battled cancer. There were many days when she would just lay beside me a cuddle while I cried. And there were also days she was the best physical trainer and got me out walking even when it was the last thing I wanted to do - and I always felt better for it.

Some people are blessed with children of the human kind. Our baby had four legs, and we called her Rudy.

I LOVE MY MAN!

2009-11-26T13:19:00.000-08:00

Last night I fell even more in love with my man. First let me share that when he got home from work he made a yummy supper of mushroom gravy meatballs, mashed potatoes, carrots and peas. In our house the rule is if you cook you don't clean, but he offered to clean-up so I could finish cleaning the bathrooms before I left for my Wednesday night women's bible study. Before I left I asked if he could water the plants, dust some shelves I can't reach, and if he had time, shorten the curtains I bought at IKEA (oh those honey-to-do lists). You see, the last time I bought curtains from IKEA I tried to hem them but my sewing machine kept jamming-up. Mr. Home Economics took over and hemmed them like a pro. IKEA has improved their curtains and now you just need to iron on some hem tape and cut. When I got home, Carman had the 'game' on and was hemming curtains!

I LOVE MY HONEY!

I know all the women out there are jealous. For all the men out there who read my blog, don't make fun of my man or I'll have to kick your ass.

Pink Glove Dance

2009-11-24T13:44:00.000-08:00

Confession Hour

2009-11-19T18:36:00.000-08:00

I was thinking today how much better I feel. Not just physically, but mentally. Last year at this time I was just about done radiation and my life was a total fog. These days I still gets moments of anxiousness in my day, for whatever reason I am not totally sure why. Well that isn't really true, I know why, I've got cancer. But I find now I can have the moment and then get on with it. Today when I got 'that feeling' I just stopped what I was doing, picked up my Bible and picked-up where I left off in Acts and 'that feeling' went away. I've been trying to study one chapter of the Bible a day. I'm a keener - I've got my notebook and everything! I have been guilty of calling people 'Bible Thumpers' back in my day, and now I am one and proud of it.

I have also been confessing my faults publicly. Confession #1: I have an addiction to soda. Since ending chemo it seems like I have been having a soda daily - not good. To try and kick the habit I told myself I wasn't permitted any soda until we go on vacation on December 29th. So far so good - day 5. But on day 3 I almost caved! Confession #2: I too can not stick to a shopping list. Wednesday night Carman told me he was going to go to Costco (without me). In the past when Carman goes by himself he comes home at least a couple hundred later and the newest latest and greatest groceries. So, I requested he wait until I could go with him. But then I realized I was being a hypocrite. You see, just a few days before I went to Chapters to buy a 2010 calendar book (Inuit Art theme) and came out with the calendar plus 4 books (2 on investing and 2 on marketing). Confession #3: I am guilty of being quick to judge. I really can't go into the story, but let just say I am not proud of myself. I could keep going, but these are the main ones this week.

Health Update - The swelling in my arm (lymphoma) I think is down quite a bit. I go to Edmonton next week to get it re-assessed. I think the sleeve and hand piece are working well. I also went to my Naturopath and he gave me a concoction to take orally. Tomorrow I see a Gynecologist about getting my ovaries removed and I am find my body is 'aching' much less!

My friend Tasha lent me the book Memories of a Geisha which it such a good read. I am trying to take my time becuase it is the type of book you just don't want to end. I saw the movie in the theater, but I am looking forward to renting it again. If you are looking for a good read this winter I highly recommend this one.

Is anybody out there going to be in Pheonix Jan 1st? Carman and I will be and would welcome any invitation of a place to sleep.

Treat or Treat

2009-11-19T18:34:00.001-08:00

Carman looked so creepy our dog Rudy didn't even want to be around him.

Patience

2009-11-19T18:32:00.001-08:00

I just love this picture! Watching the turkey in the oven.

Thanksgiving

2009-11-19T18:29:00.000-08:00

Me, my sister-in-law Mel, niece Ande and nephews Kade and baby Tobi. The sign of more hair!

Great News!

2009-10-30T11:01:00.001-07:00

Yesterday morning my doctor called with my test results. Both Carman and I were getting pretty anxious because we thought he was going to call the week before. However, the news was good: clean lungs and liver and stable bones. Of course, I want them to tell me - No Evidence Disease (NED), but I feel like this is the direction my body is heading. PRAISE GOD!

You would think such great news would make me feel fantastic, but yesterday afternoon I started feeling sluggish, and today I feel awfully tired. Maybe a release of stress, or a combination of getting this bug that is floating around. I'm still heading to the Craft Sale this afternoon regardless. I remember last year walking around feeling like a zombie. I've gone to the sale every year since we moved here, but last year I made myself go and felt totally numb with the shock of having cancer. Today, even though I'm not feeling that great, I am looking forward to it!

Simple Pleasures

2009-09-30T09:09:00.000-07:00

So I have had many people get after me for not writing on my blog as often as I used to. Take this as a good sign that I am feeling better and resuming to my life. However, I admit posting on this blog is therapeutic to me and it is something I should be doing more often. Several times a day I get flooded with emotions and fears - what will my next set of scans read? how long do I have? will my death be ugly? will Carman remarry a hot tall blonde who is an excellent cook and loves football? will my arm movement improve? will I always get these feelings?

And then I stop the 'stinking thinking' as my sister Tara calls it because I can't control many of these things. God is in control and he loves me so I need to hold on tight to that. Plus, it isn't healthy to think negatively so I try to think positively and not look to far into the future. For example, I'm not looking to much past November 14th - the date of the Certified Financial Planning final. I am soooo not ready, but I'm going to challenge it anyways - I better go hit the books.

Today I share a list I made on day I was feeling really crappy and low - I should have dated it.

Simple Pleasures in my Life (in no particular order):
- cozy blankets
- chocolate
- dancing
- flowers
- hot cream corn after a day of hiking
- long hot baths
- walking to good tunes
- good books: The Outlander Series, The Shack, Purple Cow, Princess Sultana, Not Without My Daughter
- Good Gravy
- Riding behind Carman on his motorcycle
- Root Beer floats a the Delburne Soda Shop
- Rochelle's Ship Skin (she has a large sheet skin on her couch at the lake)
- hot chocolate and Baileys
- Singing around the campfire
- Coke on the rocks in the right glass
- french braids
- The York Chinese Food (they are now closed but we went there lots as a family.

That's the list - the phone must have rang because I would list much more. Here's to enjoying the simple pleasures in life.

Soul Mates

2009-09-25T10:53:00.000-07:00

One thing I am certain of is that Carman is my soul mate. God brought us together. I totally believe God brings people into our lives to love. He displays this in many ways, even in the animal kingdom. I love this video, I hope you do too. Especially the hugging scene.

A New Kind of Normal

2009-09-03T09:01:00.000-07:00

My mother-in-law Heather gave me the book A New Kind of Normal by Carol Kent. In it she quotes a statement made by author Ken Gire. I share it with you because it is making me think. Think what? I am not sure yet - it's pretty deep.

"When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But he doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble and selects some shards of raw material for another project - a mosaic that tells the story of redemption".

Carol Kent comments to this statement: "It usually takes a long time to find meaning and purpose when you are living in the middle of devastating circumstances',

In response to her statement, I wonder if I have even reached the 'middle' of my circumstance.

To lighten things up, attached is a picture taken about 4 years ago at our friend Taryn's 30th birthday party.

Skin Heads

2009-09-01T17:59:00.000-07:00

Josh, Mitch, Me, and Carman. Are we not the most attractive group! Mitch wins for least amount of hair - tee hee!!!!

Cancer still sucks!

2009-08-17T07:31:00.000-07:00

Bike Trip

2009-08-16T18:27:00.000-07:00

Almost a year ago (Aug 25) Carman and I set out on our bike to 'runaway' to Radium Hot Springs. I had my biopsy on Aug 22nd and we were advised it would take about a week for the results. I remember being hopeful that it wouldn't be cancer and we thought getting away would help make the 'waiting' go faster. Unfortunately, we made it is as far a Rocky Mountain House Tim Hortons when we got the call to come back. The results were not good and instead we were on a trip up to Edmonton to meet a surgeon.

I can't believe it has been a year. I one hand it has went very quickly and I am thankful I am still alive. Should I have been diagnosed prior to 1996 I would probably have been dead by now. On the other hand, there have been times were time stood almost still. When I got diagnosed I heard people say 'cancer is hard', 'it is a battle'. I have yet to still find an adequate description of what it feels like to deal with this disease. The initial shock alone is quite something - unbearable. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. For me, I preferred just being in quiet environments. Usually I have the TV going or radio on just to have noise around me, but while getting treatment over the past year I preferred to have things quite and still around me.

If I can be frank and honest, I really didn't want to be around a lot of people. I didn't like how they looked at me. I've never liked people feeling sorry for me, and I certainly didn't like it now. I am looking forward to when my hair grows back because then I think people will once again see me versus seeing the disease. I am living with cancer, not currently dieing of it.

On a lighter note, our first destination on our motorcycle trip was Radium Hot Springs. It was a goal I had set to soak in the springs when I got better. The next day we made it as far as Nelson, BC. I was pretty tired so a cruise through the town and walking across the bridge for supper was the extent of exploring this great town. Carman and I would love to go back and stay a week there sometime. Can I mention that on our way to Nelson we stopped for lunch in Kimberly, or should I say 'mini Switzerland'. I tried Schnitzel and I think I'm good for a lifetime. We left Nelson in a bit of a hurry as there was a high probability for rain all day. Unfortunately we got nice a wet for about 2 hours before we reached Nakusp. Carman's hands were so cold he couldn't tell if his finger was touching the signal button or not. Getting wet and cold was certainly not enjoyable, but my comment to Carman was: "It beats chemo'. The third night was in Revelstoke and the 4th night in Canmore.

On our way to Canmore we stopped by Lake Louise and saw a grizzly bear in the ditch. Carman was adamant that we turn around and take some pictures, but I wasn't a keen. Reason #1 - we were on a motorcycle and the bear was fairly close to the road. Reason #2 - the camera was in the pack which would require one of us to get off the bike to get it. So, no stopping for bears. Future travel Rule #1 - always keep your camera on your person.

For those who read the last post, pleae note that Carman did pay-up on his bet. I got a nice pendant from the Rock and Gem Shop and a hoodie from the Hemp Store. I'll post a picture of me wearning my winnings in the future. I think an account of me being in a Hemp store may also be worth a good laugh.

This first picture is of me, my sisters, and my dad in front of Radium Hot Springs. I was probably 6 years old. Tara and I are wearing jackets my mom knit. If you look closely you can see the badges she would sew on them. It was also a family thing to give 'thumbs up' when taking pictures - especially for Tara. It came from The Fonz off Happy Days.

Not much as changed a the springs since as you can see from our current photo.

Would you do it?

2009-08-04T15:52:00.000-07:00

Here's me feeling like a kid again. I remember going down this slide many, many times when I was younger.

You forgot to pack your bathing suit, the water is from a melting glacier, and your pride is on the line. For the guarantee of a hemp/recycled pop bottle hoodie and a piece of jewelry of my choice at the gem store in Banff, I laid my chubby, bald self down.

CT Results

2009-07-24T16:06:00.000-07:00

On Sunday night we headed out to Gull Lake for some more camping. We enjoyed our time visiting with 3 other families for four nights - the men got up early and went to work and us women got to enjoy the nice weather. I spent the majority of my time sitting under the awning reading and studying (oh, and eating lots of snacks and drinking a wide range of cold drinks).

Monday we were up to Edmonton to get another CT scan and we saw the doctor yesterday (Thursday). The good news is I get a break from chemo. How long of break? Only God knows. The bad news is that my liver did not come back clean as I had so greatly hoped and prayed for. However, the doctor says that there is just a trace left and it is not worth hitting with a new chemo. The current chemo has done all it can.

About a month ago I did a special 24hr urine tests for my bones. Carman didn't like have the large orange 'pee jug' on the fridge. I would joke "make sure not to pour the special orange juice". Anyways, this test revealed that my bones are on a 'healthy' path of recovery. It will still take some time to determine the status of my bones, but I get another bone, ct, and muga scan in 3 months. In the meantime, it is back to hormone therapy - the monthly injection into my abdomen and daily pills and the continuation of Herceptin and Zometa.

To be truthful, I was pretty upset that there is still cancer in my liver. I wanted it gone! I prayed for it to be gone!! But while reading the book of John, especially chapter 11 when Jesus got word from Mary and Martha that their brother Lazarus was sick, Jesus declared, "This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God's glory so that God's son may be glorified through it." If you don't know this story, Lazarus did die before Jesus arrived. But, Jesus rose him from the tomb and he lived.

What got me the most were the 'notes' in my bible regarding this. In particular: He (Jesus) knew their (Martha and Mary's) pain but did not respond immediately. His delay had a specific purpose. God's timing especially his delays, may make us think he is not answering or is not answering the way we want. But he will meet all of our needs according to his perfect schedule and purpose (Philippians 4:19). Patiently await his timing.

So I am trying to patiently await. Patience is hard. From the beginning of this painful journey one thing I know for certain is that God called me to patient and to persevere. He also told me to not be afraid. These are all hard requests for a simple human like myself.

Today while at the Cancer Clinic getting my Herceptin and injection I noticed a handbag display in the foyer. For those who do not know me well, I have always had an addiction to purses and bags. Since I already bought a 'summer' purse I thought I should resist and just walk away, but I felt a strong urge to browse. Can I also write a disclaimer that I am a tight wad and not much of a shopper so stopping to shop is rare. There were lots of nice bags but my eye caught a small purple/black briefcase. Since my work life has barely been on the scale of 'work' for almost a year now I was mentally listing all the reasons why I shouldn't buy it. But I felt like with all the reasons why I shouldn't God told me to buy the bag. Okay, I know what your thinking does God tell us to shop? I think he did with me today.

The story keeps going. When I got home with my new bag I checked my e-mails. Since we have been away most the week there were 23 new message to go through. One in particular made my day. Can you beleive a total stranger from Isreal has read my blog and emailed me!!! She told me to find my passion in life. I have always loved my work and I have worked hard to get where I am today - it is my passion. I love helping people manage their money (remember my disclaimer of being a tight wad). I feel even better for buying my new briefcase!

The picture is of my friend Curtis and I at the Red Deer fair using up his free tickets on the lamest ride ever built! I can't beleive it would cost a person $5 to ride it.

Lastly, I still have all my finger nails!

Pet Therapy

2009-07-17T08:39:00.000-07:00

Last weekend we got away camping again. The original plan was to go to Red Lodge out by Bowden, but because we didn't have a reservation we missed the last campsite by about half an hour. So we kicked-it-up Wilson style and just started driving. You see, Carman has fond memories (I'm being a bit sarcastic) of being a kid driving around trying to find a place to camp and arriving and setting up in the dark. While driving I thought I saw a sign that said Pearson's Berry Farm had RV sites, but they just had RV parking (a bit embarrassing). After a phone call to a friend in Sundre, and some back roads later, we ended up at Burnt Stick Lake. I also share that at one point we stopped to let the dogs out only to have the truck not start - we were in the middle of nowhere! But, Carman is pretty handy and got us up and running again after resetting something.

It was nice to be out of the house, but this last dose of chemo sure lingered awhile and I didn't recuperate as fast. It was nice just to lay in the trailer with the dogs and read.

I think my body has had enough of the chemo though. I am at risk of loosing several finger nails and my body is just tired out. My hair is slowly filling in and I've got their weird thick dark patch on the back of my head - I guess it's better than it being front and centre. It will be interesting to see what colour and texture it comes back as. Right now I feel a bit like a calico cat.

On Monday I get another CT scan and we see the doctor on Thursday. I pray these two extra doses were the ticket in kicking the rest of this cancer's ass!

The Dreaded Wednesday

2009-07-09T08:51:00.000-07:00

With round 8 behind me I enter my 'ugly days'. From about Tuesday to Saturday the harsh side effects of chemo appears. My body aches (which is an understatement), nothing tastes right, nausea, and my digestive system is out-of-wack. Wednesday always seems to be the hardest. This round Carman insisted that I only read, watch tv, or sleep - so boring! But, I always over-do-it and pay for it later so I decided to listen to him for a change. The days have been long, but I don't feel as crappy.

If there was a reading contest this summer I think they would be putting my name on a trophy. TV has lost its entertainment value with me so reading is keeping me occupied. I'm averaging a book every other day. My friend Alvina lent me some books by Immaculee Ilibagiza who survived the Rwandan genocide. Her story deeply touched me and her faith was inspirational. I highly recommend reading her books. I would love some book recommendations - what are your favorite books?

The shock of cancer has been settling. For the first 10 months I felt totally out of my element - in a foggy other world. You just go through the motions to do what you have to do, but the pain and uncertainty is extremely overwhelming. I have forgotten what it feels like to feel 'good', but I am looking forward to chemo being over and starting the process of true healing and discovering this new life that lays ahead of me.

Carman took this picture of me last night. The 'chipmunk' look is a side effect of the steroids. When I look at the picture I laugh because I can't believe that is me - wow!

2009-06-30T20:42:00.000-07:00

Hello Everyone,

Brenda doesn't think she has any new news to report, so she asked me to tell you about this past weekend.

For those of you who don't know, I was involved in the Ride to Conquer Cancer. It was a fundraising event to support the Alberta Cancer Foundation. This is the first time it has been held in Alberta - last year was the first event, in Toronto, and since then it has been held in Toronto again this year, Vancouver two weeks ago, and Calgary this past weekend.

It was a two day event, where participants rode their bicycles approximately 200 kms along the foothills of the Candian Rockies, starting in Calgary and ending just north of Pincher Creek. My friend Tim and I signed up as crew members to support our other friend Bill, who was riding in the event. There was 1742 riders and approx 200 crew members plus staff and other volunteers. Combined, riders and crew raised an unbelievable 6.9 million dollars to support the Alberta Cancer Foundation.

It was an amazing experience and because we had such a great time, Bill and I are already registered for next year. If anyone is interested in joining us, either as a rider or a crew member, you can find our team page at www.conquercancer.ca under the team name "Brenda's Bravehearts and Wild Pigs".

Our three member team raised $9935 this year and we are setting our goal even higher for next year. Thank-you to everyone who contributed this year and we look forward to your support for next year's event.

Carman

Sharing Some Good News

2009-06-04T17:14:00.000-07:00

I had much anxiety waiting for today's appointment, and I am happy to share some good news. The chemo continues to work and the tumors are shrinking. I sure wished I could announce I was cancer free, but I will take shrinking tumors. They have prescribed 2 more rounds of the same chemo. But after that they will only continue with Herceptin and Zometa (non-chemo drugs). Due to the number of total doses (8), my body will not be able to handle any more. I am starting to puff-up (Michelin Tire could be contacting me to be their new spokeswoman - look out Michelin man you may be fazed out!).

Fraggle (my pic-line) may also be out of a job. He continues to do his job as required, but he may be fazed out for a more high-tec system - a portocath (a line surgically inserted under the chest wall). This would allow me much more freedom to just jump in the shower (versus uses elastic bands and a ziploc bag), and the freedom to go swimming (we really want to make it to Radium Hot Springs before the end of summer. And, it takes away the 'visual' look of the bandage around my arm. Sorry Fraggle, we all have to face that sometimes our job is done.

This may be un-humbling (is that even a word?), but I share one of my favorite pictures of myself. It was taken when were out exploring an island in the Philippines.

When You Need Hope

2009-05-31T19:19:00.000-07:00

I admit, in the past I have scoffed at Christian television assuming it as hokey and over-the-top. But I find myself drawn several times a week to watch 100 Huntley Street. It is very good television - I know, I know. I have to say, don't mock it until you try it. Take the 100 challenge and PVR it for a week (I should publicly admit that we still don't have a PVR and my husband feels like he is deprived). I am confident you will not only be touched, but encouraged and amazed on some people's stories. Not every day is the show life changing, that is why you have to watch it for a whole week. Then you too will be eating crow.

This week the following clip just gave me so much hope that I hope you watch it. Enjoy!
http://100huntley.com/video.php?id=SZ6ki9Ssh6g
This is the second of three clips if you want to watch more.

I have gotten several comments on the last 'Bad Ass' picture my sister took. I think she did such a good job so I share another one.

Chemo #6

2009-05-26T08:00:00.001-07:00

When I started chemo and herceptin my doctor wanted me to get six rounds in. I am thankful that my body could do it! I am physically and emotionally tired and worn-out, but if more chemo is needed I know I could do it. However, I won't like it (nor do I think I have to)!

I spent this past Friday-Monday up in Edmonton for another round of tests (CT, Bone scan, and MUGA scan). I will get the results on June 4th. Then I will find out if I need more of the same chemo, a new type of chemo, or a totally different type of treatment (hormone therapy...).

My sister Tara has taken up photography and I was her first subject. Canada's Next Top Model won't be scouting me out, but she did a great job in making my 'hairless' shots original. Although I am okay with not having hair, I am really ready to have it grow back. The odd time it is hard to look in the mirror and see this sick person looking back. Although I recognize her, I don't always know who is looking back. I will never be the same Brenda I was prior to cancer and I am not quite sure who the new Brenda is either. I was reading an article in Success Magazine about Lance Armstrong and he was sharing that after cancer treatment when I he got on his bike it felt really foreign to him, and he didn't really know what he was supposed to 'do'. That's me. Right now I am just trying to be still and know that he is God and that he has a great plan for my life.

The Susan Boyle Effect

2009-04-20T12:11:00.000-07:00

I think we are all guilty of it, I know I am. You assume you know the outcome, how the situation will unfold. But then, someone like Susan Boyle reminds us we truly don't know what the next moment of our lives will provide. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out this video clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY

My forth round of chemo has been the easiest thus far. When I say easy, I have thrown up less, had less nausea, and a prescription for Adivan is allowing me to have some restful nights when my insomnia is in full force. My second round of Zometa was also was easier - no fever or leg cramping!

I would also like to provide a little lesson on what NOT to say to people who have cancer. On the weekend we were at a fundraiser for Camp Silversides out at Gull Lake. An older lady approached me and asked if I just shave my head or if I had cancer. I shared that I had cancer. She then proceeded to tell me about a family member who shaves his head because they had 3 people in their family die in one year from cancer. Are you kidding me - are you really that rude!!!!! When you see someone struggling with cancer tell them about someone who is a survivor; we all know enough stories of people who have died from it. Class it out.

The nice weather has me planning what flowers I am going to plant this year and we have all outdoor living room all set-up out on the deck.

Support The Alberta Cancer Foundation

2009-04-01T18:44:00.001-07:00

I have joined our friend, Bill, in his quest to ride through the Rocky Mountains in the 1st Annual Alberta Ride to Conquer Cancer. Before you jump to any ridiculous conclusions, I am not riding my mountain bike over 200 kms through the mountains, however I have signed on as a crew member and will be providing support, where I can, for Bill and many of the other participants. Crew members help setup the bike route, help prepare and hand out food and beverages, setup the tent city where everyone will stay overnight, as well as many other various tasks. As a crew member, I am also encouraged to raise support, so I have set what I think is a very achievable goal of $3000. This, added to Bill's goal of $5000, brings our teams fundraising goal to $8000. This may seem like a lot, but after looking at some of the other team's goals and funds raised so far, this is definitely very achievable, and if anything, I hope that we can double or triple our goal.

We are constantly asked "What can we do to help?" or "Is there anything we can do for you guys?" and it is always difficult to come up with tangible things that people can do for us. Brenda has received excellent care and treatment at The Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton over the past eight months and that level of care would not be possible without the various fundraising events that happen throughout the year.

So, what can you do? Help us reach our goal and raise support for the Alberta Cancer Foundation, which will distribute those funds to support cancer research and treatment, so that Brenda and others can continue to receive the treatment they need. And hopefully, one day, we can celebrate because a cure has been found and others will not have to live with the dark cloud of cancer hanging over their heads.

For those of you who are able, please follow the link and thank-you, in advance, for your support.

Carman

http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Alberta2009?px=1883410&pg=personal&fr_id=1282

Finally, Some Good News

2009-03-30T13:11:00.000-07:00

Yes, we finally have something good to share! My recent CT scan shows that the chemo is providing a positive response! I've still have a long ways to go, but at least some progress has been made.

We also enjoyed a great relaxing and romantic weekend in Kananaskis at the Delta thanks to our friends Curtis & Taryn. They held a Pink Party for us back in October, and their friends and family all pitched in to send us on a weekend getaway. This gift was very generous, and we sincerely thank each and every one of them for sending us. Carman and I love being in the mountains so much, and it felt good to be amidst nature. We were spoiled with trips to the spa, tasty meals, and a suite fit for a rock star.

On our way home we stopped of in Calgary and enjoyed a great East Indian meal with 12 close friends. Thanks for the great evening!

Trust

2009-03-23T11:02:00.001-07:00

Carman brought it to my attention that it has been about a month since my last post and that many of you are probably wondering what is going on. Well, it feels like little is going on in my world yet everything. I had my 3rd chemo round on March 6th and my sister Tara was recruited to be the weekend nurse as Carman was working at the Home and Acreage Show. She did a fine job of putting away laundry and unloading the dishwasher. We also enjoyed a trip to the mall with my friend Rhonda for Yogen Fruz.

This crossroads in my life is still bringing me a lot of anguish. Prior to my cancer diagnosis I was a very motivated, productive, and fit person. I now struggle to get a small list of things done in a day and my body often feels like a stranger. Rationally I know this is because I am getting chemo, but my emotions often could care less about 'rational reasoning'. I want to be able to get outside for my 2 long walks every day with Rudy, I want to have the brain power to pick up my books again so I can write the final CFP exam (I was so close to being done), I want to feel like I am contributing to my marriage versus taking all of the time. But most of all, I want to give up my plans for the future so I can participate in the plan that Jesus has for me - I just don't have a clue on how to go about doing that. I just started reading a book on Trusting God. It is so easy to praise God and trust him when times are good, but when times are bad, for me, that ability to trust has been hard. However, when I contemplate God's sovereignty, even the painful stuff is worked into his plan for the goodness of his kingdom, and my life. I admit, my simple human brain cannot comprehend how all this can be worked for good, but I am working on trusting God that it is.

Peace Out.

A Weekend of Visiting

2009-02-24T09:35:00.001-08:00

It felt really great to have the energy to get out of the house and visit some friends. Friday night we went over to Curtis and Taryn's for pizza, playing with their kids (Kius and Talissa), sitting in front of the fire, and beating the guys at Canasta. Us girls rarely win at Canasta so it was an extra special night. Talissa has a history of giving me some undesirable glares, but she warmed up to me so much that she let me play with her most prized bear 'Pinky'. Taryn even caught the special moment (see attached picture).

Saturday night we went over to Karen and Ivan's to see their new house and to get some pet therapy from their dogs. You may think they are crazy when I tell you they have 4 Dobermans, but they're not. It is survival of the fittest to see who can get on the couch - look closely at the picture and see how Kharma is all over Carman.

Sunday my sister Jodi and her husband Jay and their son Jacob stopped in. Jacob liked playing with my Fisher Price forks and spoons and was talking a lot of gibberish. After they left we went over to Cory and Teena's for tea and cupcakes. Their two year old twins are always so entertaining!

I'm feeling pretty good these days. I just get tired easily which is pretty frustrating. But I am learning to love my nap time.

Chemo Round #2 & Get Out Your Wallet

2009-02-16T10:33:00.000-08:00

A bit of an update, my second round of chemo was delayed a week to allow my white blood cells to come-up some more, and to provide my digestive system time to heal. It is amazing what a week can do. My appetite is good and I have gained 4 pounds!

On Friday I had my second round of chemo and I unfortunately spent an extra 3 hours at the Cross. My permanent IV site (by the way I have named him Fraggle - after the'80s kids show Fraggle Rock - my two headed monster is purple, blue and red - and although we aren't 'friends' we are co-existing just fine these days). Sorry I got off track. My IV site was plugged because it wasn't being serviced properly so it took 3 hours of tests, flushing, and waiting before they could administer the drugs. Yes, Red Deer Home Care will be politely informed to review their protocol.

Last Wednesday while washing my buzzed head my hair fell out. It was really quite something to see hair just wipe off your head. I'm not completely bald, but I would say 90%. So far I am not traumatized by it all. I've got a good collection of hats and toques, and when I am around friends I just Rock the Bald.

Lastly, I would like to encourage you to support our friend Bill Woods in his commitment in The Ride to Conquer Cancer. His team name is Brenda's Bravehearts and Wild Pigs. Wild Pigs is the name of the men's group Carman belongs to. You can donate directly via the website - search by Bill Woods or Brenda's Bravehearts and Wilds Pigs. His goal is $5,000! I believe Bill is also looking for people to ride with him. If you are interested, I would be happy to put you in touch with him.

http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR

Attached picture is from my girls night - from left to right - Kelly, Kami, Jenn, and Me. Let me tell you, there is nothing like having great friends!

Sinead O'connor

2009-02-01T17:55:00.000-08:00

Monday night I got out of the hospital, and it felt so good to be back home in my own bed with my hubby. Unfortunately, I lost another 6 pounds in the hospital so I am going to try and pack on some pounds before my next round of chemo.

With the type of chemo I am receiving, my hair should start falling out any day now. I thought it would be quite traumatic to wake up and see my hair on the pillow or have it come out in clumps in the shower, so Carman buzzed my head on Tuesday night to give me time to adjust not having any hair. I have to admit, I like not having to worry about styling or serious bedhead, but it is very, very weird looking in the mirror. I've been trying to perfect my impersonation of the the '90 singer Sinead O'Connor.

I had a great time Saturday night with my 3 girlfriends from high school: Jenn, Kelly, and Kami. It was nice to have some girl talk, eat candy, and watch a chick-flick. We always have such a great time together!

It is hard to believe that 3 weeks have almost passed and that I will be getting my second round on Friday. I pray the second round doesn't put me the hospital again. I also pray that this chemo will works for me to provide me more time.

Hospital Stay

2009-01-25T20:30:00.000-08:00

Brenda has now been in the hospital for about five days. Friday was by far the worst day. When people talk about hitting bottom, she definitely hit bottom on Friday. Physically and most of all, emotionally, she was worn out. Everything she tried to consume (which was very little), immediately was refused - I don't want to go into too much detail because she will give me crap, but I think you can probably use your imagination. I lost track of the numerous different forms of intravenous they had hooked up to her and the numerous different medications to relieve the stomach cramping, diarrhea, nausea, etc.

Yesterday (Saturday) she rounded the corner and started to feel a little better. She looked better, sounded better, and her spirits improved a bit. Her white blood count started to climb back up and they finally allowed her to take Imodium to slow things down a bit. Today, her temperature returned to normal and she was able to eat a quarter of a bagel, some grapes, and a small amount of rice and stir-fry vegetables that I made for her - the hospital food is horrible and she joked that she couldn't even stomach the pancake that they tried to give her for breakfast. Today, at about noon, they also stopped giving her the saline by intravenous and only hooked her up to give her the antibiotics.

She has had a pic line installed in her arm, which is a semi-permanent IV hookup to make it easier for the nurses. It is basically a direct line to one of her veins, which are hard to find on Brenda, so now the nurses don't need to poke and prod to find veins for her IVs. We need to come up with a name for it because they said it can last for up to a year before they need to change it and so Brenda and her pic line need to become friends, even though she can't stand the thought of something foreign sticking out of her arm.

We are hoping that her doctor sees enough improvement to allow her to come home tomorrow. She would be much more comfortable at home and she is missing the pet therapy that she receives from our dog, Rudy.

Carman