The Dreaded Wednesday

With round 8 behind me I enter my 'ugly days'. From about Tuesday to Saturday the harsh side effects of chemo appears. My body aches (which is an understatement), nothing tastes right, nausea, and my digestive system is out-of-wack. Wednesday always seems to be the hardest. This round Carman insisted that I only read, watch tv, or sleep - so boring! But, I always over-do-it and pay for it later so I decided to listen to him for a change. The days have been long, but I don't feel as crappy.

If there was a reading contest this summer I think they would be putting my name on a trophy. TV has lost its entertainment value with me so reading is keeping me occupied. I'm averaging a book every other day. My friend Alvina lent me some books by Immaculee Ilibagiza who survived the Rwandan genocide. Her story deeply touched me and her faith was inspirational. I highly recommend reading her books. I would love some book recommendations - what are your favorite books?

The shock of cancer has been settling. For the first 10 months I felt totally out of my element - in a foggy other world. You just go through the motions to do what you have to do, but the pain and uncertainty is extremely overwhelming. I have forgotten what it feels like to feel 'good', but I am looking forward to chemo being over and starting the process of true healing and discovering this new life that lays ahead of me.

Carman took this picture of me last night. The 'chipmunk' look is a side effect of the steroids. When I look at the picture I laugh because I can't believe that is me - wow!

Hello Everyone,

Brenda doesn't think she has any new news to report, so she asked me to tell you about this past weekend.

For those of you who don't know, I was involved in the Ride to Conquer Cancer. It was a fundraising event to support the Alberta Cancer Foundation. This is the first time it has been held in Alberta - last year was the first event, in Toronto, and since then it has been held in Toronto again this year, Vancouver two weeks ago, and Calgary this past weekend.

It was a two day event, where participants rode their bicycles approximately 200 kms along the foothills of the Candian Rockies, starting in Calgary and ending just north of Pincher Creek. My friend Tim and I signed up as crew members to support our other friend Bill, who was riding in the event. There was 1742 riders and approx 200 crew members plus staff and other volunteers. Combined, riders and crew raised an unbelievable 6.9 million dollars to support the Alberta Cancer Foundation.

It was an amazing experience and because we had such a great time, Bill and I are already registered for next year. If anyone is interested in joining us, either as a rider or a crew member, you can find our team page at www.conquercancer.ca under the team name "Brenda's Bravehearts and Wild Pigs".

Our three member team raised $9935 this year and we are setting our goal even higher for next year. Thank-you to everyone who contributed this year and we look forward to your support for next year's event.

Carman

Sharing Some Good News

I had much anxiety waiting for today's appointment, and I am happy to share some good news. The chemo continues to work and the tumors are shrinking. I sure wished I could announce I was cancer free, but I will take shrinking tumors. They have prescribed 2 more rounds of the same chemo. But after that they will only continue with Herceptin and Zometa (non-chemo drugs). Due to the number of total doses (8), my body will not be able to handle any more. I am starting to puff-up (Michelin Tire could be contacting me to be their new spokeswoman - look out Michelin man you may be fazed out!).

Fraggle (my pic-line) may also be out of a job. He continues to do his job as required, but he may be fazed out for a more high-tec system - a portocath (a line surgically inserted under the chest wall). This would allow me much more freedom to just jump in the shower (versus uses elastic bands and a ziploc bag), and the freedom to go swimming (we really want to make it to Radium Hot Springs before the end of summer. And, it takes away the 'visual' look of the bandage around my arm. Sorry Fraggle, we all have to face that sometimes our job is done.

This may be un-humbling (is that even a word?), but I share one of my favorite pictures of myself. It was taken when were out exploring an island in the Philippines.

When You Need Hope

I admit, in the past I have scoffed at Christian television assuming it as hokey and over-the-top. But I find myself drawn several times a week to watch 100 Huntley Street. It is very good television - I know, I know. I have to say, don't mock it until you try it. Take the 100 challenge and PVR it for a week (I should publicly admit that we still don't have a PVR and my husband feels like he is deprived). I am confident you will not only be touched, but encouraged and amazed on some people's stories. Not every day is the show life changing, that is why you have to watch it for a whole week. Then you too will be eating crow.

This week the following clip just gave me so much hope that I hope you watch it. Enjoy!
http://100huntley.com/video.php?id=SZ6ki9Ssh6g
This is the second of three clips if you want to watch more.

I have gotten several comments on the last 'Bad Ass' picture my sister took. I think she did such a good job so I share another one.

Chemo #6

When I started chemo and herceptin my doctor wanted me to get six rounds in. I am thankful that my body could do it! I am physically and emotionally tired and worn-out, but if more chemo is needed I know I could do it. However, I won't like it (nor do I think I have to)!

I spent this past Friday-Monday up in Edmonton for another round of tests (CT, Bone scan, and MUGA scan). I will get the results on June 4th. Then I will find out if I need more of the same chemo, a new type of chemo, or a totally different type of treatment (hormone therapy...).

My sister Tara has taken up photography and I was her first subject. Canada's Next Top Model won't be scouting me out, but she did a great job in making my 'hairless' shots original. Although I am okay with not having hair, I am really ready to have it grow back. The odd time it is hard to look in the mirror and see this sick person looking back. Although I recognize her, I don't always know who is looking back. I will never be the same Brenda I was prior to cancer and I am not quite sure who the new Brenda is either. I was reading an article in Success Magazine about Lance Armstrong and he was sharing that after cancer treatment when I he got on his bike it felt really foreign to him, and he didn't really know what he was supposed to 'do'. That's me. Right now I am just trying to be still and know that he is God and that he has a great plan for my life.

The Susan Boyle Effect

I think we are all guilty of it, I know I am. You assume you know the outcome, how the situation will unfold. But then, someone like Susan Boyle reminds us we truly don't know what the next moment of our lives will provide. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check out this video clip.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9lp0IWv8QZY


My forth round of chemo has been the easiest thus far. When I say easy, I have thrown up less, had less nausea, and a prescription for Adivan is allowing me to have some restful nights when my insomnia is in full force. My second round of Zometa was also was easier - no fever or leg cramping!

I would also like to provide a little lesson on what NOT to say to people who have cancer. On the weekend we were at a fundraiser for Camp Silversides out at Gull Lake. An older lady approached me and asked if I just shave my head or if I had cancer. I shared that I had cancer. She then proceeded to tell me about a family member who shaves his head because they had 3 people in their family die in one year from cancer. Are you kidding me - are you really that rude!!!!! When you see someone struggling with cancer tell them about someone who is a survivor; we all know enough stories of people who have died from it. Class it out.

The nice weather has me planning what flowers I am going to plant this year and we have all outdoor living room all set-up out on the deck.

Support The Alberta Cancer Foundation

I have joined our friend, Bill, in his quest to ride through the Rocky Mountains in the 1st Annual Alberta Ride to Conquer Cancer. Before you jump to any ridiculous conclusions, I am not riding my mountain bike over 200 kms through the mountains, however I have signed on as a crew member and will be providing support, where I can, for Bill and many of the other participants. Crew members help setup the bike route, help prepare and hand out food and beverages, setup the tent city where everyone will stay overnight, as well as many other various tasks. As a crew member, I am also encouraged to raise support, so I have set what I think is a very achievable goal of $3000. This, added to Bill's goal of $5000, brings our teams fundraising goal to $8000. This may seem like a lot, but after looking at some of the other team's goals and funds raised so far, this is definitely very achievable, and if anything, I hope that we can double or triple our goal.

We are constantly asked "What can we do to help?" or "Is there anything we can do for you guys?" and it is always difficult to come up with tangible things that people can do for us. Brenda has received excellent care and treatment at The Cross Cancer Institute in Edmonton over the past eight months and that level of care would not be possible without the various fundraising events that happen throughout the year.

So, what can you do? Help us reach our goal and raise support for the Alberta Cancer Foundation, which will distribute those funds to support cancer research and treatment, so that Brenda and others can continue to receive the treatment they need. And hopefully, one day, we can celebrate because a cure has been found and others will not have to live with the dark cloud of cancer hanging over their heads.

For those of you who are able, please follow the link and thank-you, in advance, for your support.

Carman

http://www.conquercancer.ca/site/TR/Events/Alberta2009?px=1883410&pg=personal&fr_id=1282