Great News!

Yesterday morning my doctor called with my test results. Both Carman and I were getting pretty anxious because we thought he was going to call the week before. However, the news was good: clean lungs and liver and stable bones. Of course, I want them to tell me - No Evidence Disease (NED), but I feel like this is the direction my body is heading. PRAISE GOD!

You would think such great news would make me feel fantastic, but yesterday afternoon I started feeling sluggish, and today I feel awfully tired. Maybe a release of stress, or a combination of getting this bug that is floating around. I'm still heading to the Craft Sale this afternoon regardless. I remember last year walking around feeling like a zombie. I've gone to the sale every year since we moved here, but last year I made myself go and felt totally numb with the shock of having cancer. Today, even though I'm not feeling that great, I am looking forward to it!

Simple Pleasures

So I have had many people get after me for not writing on my blog as often as I used to. Take this as a good sign that I am feeling better and resuming to my life. However, I admit posting on this blog is therapeutic to me and it is something I should be doing more often. Several times a day I get flooded with emotions and fears - what will my next set of scans read? how long do I have? will my death be ugly? will Carman remarry a hot tall blonde who is an excellent cook and loves football? will my arm movement improve? will I always get these feelings?

And then I stop the 'stinking thinking' as my sister Tara calls it because I can't control many of these things. God is in control and he loves me so I need to hold on tight to that. Plus, it isn't healthy to think negatively so I try to think positively and not look to far into the future. For example, I'm not looking to much past November 14th - the date of the Certified Financial Planning final. I am soooo not ready, but I'm going to challenge it anyways - I better go hit the books.

Today I share a list I made on day I was feeling really crappy and low - I should have dated it.

Simple Pleasures in my Life (in no particular order):
- cozy blankets
- chocolate
- dancing
- flowers
- hot cream corn after a day of hiking
- long hot baths
- walking to good tunes
- good books: The Outlander Series, The Shack, Purple Cow, Princess Sultana, Not Without My Daughter
- Good Gravy
- Riding behind Carman on his motorcycle
- Root Beer floats a the Delburne Soda Shop
- Rochelle's Ship Skin (she has a large sheet skin on her couch at the lake)
- hot chocolate and Baileys
- Singing around the campfire
- Coke on the rocks in the right glass
- french braids
- The York Chinese Food (they are now closed but we went there lots as a family.

That's the list - the phone must have rang because I would list much more. Here's to enjoying the simple pleasures in life.

Soul Mates

One thing I am certain of is that Carman is my soul mate. God brought us together. I totally believe God brings people into our lives to love. He displays this in many ways, even in the animal kingdom. I love this video, I hope you do too. Especially the hugging scene.

A New Kind of Normal

My mother-in-law Heather gave me the book A New Kind of Normal by Carol Kent. In it she quotes a statement made by author Ken Gire. I share it with you because it is making me think. Think what? I am not sure yet - it's pretty deep.

"When suffering shatters the carefully kept vase that is our lives, God stoops to pick up the pieces. But he doesn't put them back together as a restoration project patterned after our former selves. Instead, he sifts through the rubble and selects some shards of raw material for another project - a mosaic that tells the story of redemption".

Carol Kent comments to this statement: "It usually takes a long time to find meaning and purpose when you are living in the middle of devastating circumstances',

In response to her statement, I wonder if I have even reached the 'middle' of my circumstance.

To lighten things up, attached is a picture taken about 4 years ago at our friend Taryn's 30th birthday party.

Skin Heads

Josh, Mitch, Me, and Carman. Are we not the most attractive group! Mitch wins for least amount of hair - tee hee!!!!

Cancer still sucks!

Bike Trip

Almost a year ago (Aug 25) Carman and I set out on our bike to 'runaway' to Radium Hot Springs. I had my biopsy on Aug 22nd and we were advised it would take about a week for the results. I remember being hopeful that it wouldn't be cancer and we thought getting away would help make the 'waiting' go faster. Unfortunately, we made it is as far a Rocky Mountain House Tim Hortons when we got the call to come back. The results were not good and instead we were on a trip up to Edmonton to meet a surgeon.

I can't believe it has been a year. I one hand it has went very quickly and I am thankful I am still alive. Should I have been diagnosed prior to 1996 I would probably have been dead by now. On the other hand, there have been times were time stood almost still. When I got diagnosed I heard people say 'cancer is hard', 'it is a battle'. I have yet to still find an adequate description of what it feels like to deal with this disease. The initial shock alone is quite something - unbearable. But you just keep putting one foot in front of the other. For me, I preferred just being in quiet environments. Usually I have the TV going or radio on just to have noise around me, but while getting treatment over the past year I preferred to have things quite and still around me.

If I can be frank and honest, I really didn't want to be around a lot of people. I didn't like how they looked at me. I've never liked people feeling sorry for me, and I certainly didn't like it now. I am looking forward to when my hair grows back because then I think people will once again see me versus seeing the disease. I am living with cancer, not currently dieing of it.

On a lighter note, our first destination on our motorcycle trip was Radium Hot Springs. It was a goal I had set to soak in the springs when I got better. The next day we made it as far as Nelson, BC. I was pretty tired so a cruise through the town and walking across the bridge for supper was the extent of exploring this great town. Carman and I would love to go back and stay a week there sometime. Can I mention that on our way to Nelson we stopped for lunch in Kimberly, or should I say 'mini Switzerland'. I tried Schnitzel and I think I'm good for a lifetime. We left Nelson in a bit of a hurry as there was a high probability for rain all day. Unfortunately we got nice a wet for about 2 hours before we reached Nakusp. Carman's hands were so cold he couldn't tell if his finger was touching the signal button or not. Getting wet and cold was certainly not enjoyable, but my comment to Carman was: "It beats chemo'. The third night was in Revelstoke and the 4th night in Canmore.

On our way to Canmore we stopped by Lake Louise and saw a grizzly bear in the ditch. Carman was adamant that we turn around and take some pictures, but I wasn't a keen. Reason #1 - we were on a motorcycle and the bear was fairly close to the road. Reason #2 - the camera was in the pack which would require one of us to get off the bike to get it. So, no stopping for bears. Future travel Rule #1 - always keep your camera on your person.

For those who read the last post, pleae note that Carman did pay-up on his bet. I got a nice pendant from the Rock and Gem Shop and a hoodie from the Hemp Store. I'll post a picture of me wearning my winnings in the future. I think an account of me being in a Hemp store may also be worth a good laugh.

This first picture is of me, my sisters, and my dad in front of Radium Hot Springs. I was probably 6 years old. Tara and I are wearing jackets my mom knit. If you look closely you can see the badges she would sew on them. It was also a family thing to give 'thumbs up' when taking pictures - especially for Tara. It came from The Fonz off Happy Days.

Not much as changed a the springs since as you can see from our current photo.