I was laying in bed last weekend and I was pondering the shutting down of my ovaries. We will never have a child together. As I said before, I believe God prepared me for this a long time ago, but it is still something very significant to digest. If this stupid disease takes me, I won't be able to leave anybody with my eyes or my stubby legs behind. I always had this fantasy that we would have children and Carman would cave in and let them take my last name. I am very proud to be an Odovichuc, and I like the uniqueness the name provides. Will I ever be healthy enough to be a candidate for adoption?
While all this was going through my head, God reminded me of sitting on a beach in the Philippines surrounded by little girls selling jewelry and their 'jewelry pimp'. Two of the girls were trying really hard to sell me jewelryand I wasn't budging. I just smiled at them and started reading my book. One of the girls sat behind me and started reading my book out loud - she was really good at reading and I just let her amuse me. After awhile more of the girls came and sat down and we just chatted (no more jewelery antics). Probably because the girls weren't working their 'pimp' came over too. We had quite an interesting conversation. I asked why the girls were selling jewelry and not at home or just out playing with their friends (it was a Saturday). He claimed that their families need the money and every dollar counts.
How does this memory fit into my future? I don't have clue. God just brought it to my mind. I don't want God to be done with me yet. Will he let me grow old and grey? What is your will for my life Lord?
While all this was going through my head, God reminded me of sitting on a beach in the Philippines surrounded by little girls selling jewelry and their 'jewelry pimp'. Two of the girls were trying really hard to sell me jewelryand I wasn't budging. I just smiled at them and started reading my book. One of the girls sat behind me and started reading my book out loud - she was really good at reading and I just let her amuse me. After awhile more of the girls came and sat down and we just chatted (no more jewelery antics). Probably because the girls weren't working their 'pimp' came over too. We had quite an interesting conversation. I asked why the girls were selling jewelry and not at home or just out playing with their friends (it was a Saturday). He claimed that their families need the money and every dollar counts.
How does this memory fit into my future? I don't have clue. God just brought it to my mind. I don't want God to be done with me yet. Will he let me grow old and grey? What is your will for my life Lord?
3 comments:
Hi Brenda,
I am a friend of Lita and Daryl's and have been following your blog since your journey began. I have absolutely no idea what this message will bring you. It may up lift your spirit. It may leave you thinking huh or heck it may just be your comic relief portion of your blog. (Given this is my third time tonight trying to post something on your blog). I am a bloggin virgin.
I have admired your faith. At many times in my life, I have marvelled at Lita and Daryl's faith and never have I been able to see how that kind of faith holds up when severely tested. I wish for you that you were not living that now.
I have never blogged in my life as illustrated by my complete inability to figure this out tonight. (If you do get all three messages I have sent you to night, pick the one you like the best to read and just pretend the other's don't exist).
I'm hoping it is getting better each time I try to do this.
I have not sent a messgae to you prior to this because I couldn't think of anything to say. Well I could think of lot to say but most of it would not have been polite nor appropriate for your site. I'll just sum up all the thoughts by saying I have been thinking of you and Carmen, worried about you and your journey to come and that I do believe this must somehow be God's plan but it sucks.
I was concerned when I read that you needed radiation. I felt anxious for you. And then I read when you were starting your treatment...October 30th.
The end of October has held wonderful things for our family. It has been a time of hope, a time of uncertainty, a time of new beginnings, wonderous gifts, exhaustion, and deep love. These things I wish for you less the deep exhaustion.
Two of our three children were born on the 30th and 31st. When I saw that that was the date you were starting treatment, I thought "ok...maybe some of our blessings will also be with you during that time."
May God bless you and keep you and Carment in the days to come.
Hi B
I am so happy to hear that the treatment has been kind so far, I have been thinking of you every day! My family asks about you everytime I talk with them and we are praying for a full recovery. Thank you for keeping us posted and sharing all that you feel.
love you and can't wait for our "girls night" when you are ready!
always, Kami
Brenda,
As soon as I saw this picture, I thought "there's my sister!" This picture captures your essence.
Those young girls weren't drawn to you because of your booty or stubby legs, they were drawn to your loving heart and a beautiful soul. The best part is you don't need genetics to pass these gifts on to others.
I don't know what the future holds, but I do know that you will always be surrounded by children that will bask in your love and warmth.
T
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