Why I Blog

Initially I started my blog to limit the amount of phone calls we were getting. We know we are well loved, but it was getting too much to repeat the same news over and over again. And often times Carman was the one answering the phone because I just didn't have the mental energy to do it.

However, today I blog for different reasons. I still use it to keep people updated on how I am feeling, but it feels very different now. We greatly appreciate our Christian brothers and sisters who use the blog as an update on how to pray - we believe in prayer and greatly appreciate those who petition our Saviour for healing. We without a doubt believe God can still heal my body completely (here on earth). If he can raise people from the dead, he can erase some misbehaving cells!

I write this post because of a conversation I recently had with my sister Jodi. Just like the Will Farell skit on Saturday Night Live: Give me More Cow Bell, I get the comment: You haven't posted in a while. Jodi said "Give us more blog". I hadn't realized I had a quota to fill - tee hee! But I don't write so my mom can call Jodi to ask her if she read my new blog post, nor do I blog to necessarily have an open conversation about my feelings. I have never been very private, obviously. But, I often want my posts to be a private one sided conversation. I write some personal stuff simply to share with that other cancer survivor about my experiences, or to the family members of friends to that person.

Carman sometimes comments on my spelling or grammar mistakes like an editor, but I always get after him that I am not writing to be graded or published. I know an English teacher would be appalled by my punctuation, but I was never the best student.

Side story: When my college diploma arrived in the mail I was telling my younger sister about it. She asked me to read her what it said. I shared that it said Diploma in Business Administration with a major in Marketing (Hons). I then commented that I didn't know what Hons meant. Tara being the 'brains' of the family laughed and said I got honours. Shows how smart I am!

It is pretty cool when a stranger who lives in a far away land like Israel, UK, or Ontario emails me to encourages us. I have especially liked when people comment on Carman. He is truly a very, very special man. When a complete stranger recognizes it through my writing it brings me deep joy

I also blog to be a testament to my faith. I know so many people say "What kind of God does this?" or "Why God?", or "Where is he?" I don't have the answers, but I trust him. I have to believe that my life has purpose and my existence isn't just because or chance. As my therapist Sherri said to me once, "God is weaving an amazing beautiful tapestry with my life woven into it". What color do you think my thread is? I'm thinking a Scarlet Red, Aqua Blue combo. Or maybe a combination of leaf greens.

There is life with Stage 4 breast cancer. It is not a solace, rose colored life, but there are times of joy and laughter and peace. I also have hope for a long life. I have read many stories of years, and years of continued treatment in different shapes and form, but life. The Lord wants me to choose life so I do. Yes there has been physical and emotional pain, tears, more tears, distorted taste buds, vomit, a dripping nose, pokes and prods, baldness, weight gain, loss of energy, but I love my life.

Totally enjoying my Vespa! Carman ordered my an orange scooter helmet to help complete my dorky scooter look. I'll post a picture when it arrives.