Still Here

I know it has been a while since I have posted, but to be honest, I was just getting tired of sharing my business. I was starting to feel like just because I would post, 'the world' felt like it could comment or talk 'cancer' with me. I am private person and I was finding myself getting uncomfortable. I blog so I don't get a ton of 'how are you feeling' phone calls, and to share my experience with that other cancer victim out there. But I know there are a ton of people out there who love me and generally care how I am feeling. So I promise to do a better job of posting. I just request that people remember this is an extremely painful journey. I may easily share things on my blog, but it does not mean I walk this journey as an 'open book' ready to share anything with anyone.

3 weeks of chemo done

So i finished three weeks of chemo (every Thursday) and I am enjoying my week off. This chemo has given me a funny taste in my mouth so things don't taste quite like they should and my appetite is pretty much gone. Before Carman leaves for work he puts a small yogurt and a tall glass of water on my nightstand. I eat the yogurt as soon as a wake-up which I think helps keep the nausea away first thing. My balance and my movement has improved greatly! My ability to be in crowds or in room of people has not improved. Tara and I took a field trip to the mall and it was disastrous - I just about fainted (too much music and people moving around). So Tara's newest title might be personal shopper. I sleep really good and when we had some nice days I was enjoying walking outside. This latest snowfall is depressing - I hope it melts really fast. I've been really sad these dats because a young 30 year old friend of my has suffered 2 strokes. It just makes no sense. I've been reading a lot of Chicken Soup for the Soul and of course I enjoy General Hospital daily. I can't wait for the snow to melt so I can get outside and work my flower beds.

Charlee Wanted to say Hi!

I feel really loved

I have been getting so many great inspirational crafts - thank you. The picture is of just a few - an inspiration tree, my quote in a frame, and from my red-headed friend Kelly, a red-headed doll. The charcoal picture of the National Geographic cover Carman and I bought from a street artist in Thailand for if I remember correctly $35.

I am going to try and posts some pictures over the next week.

Yesterday Tara and I went to the mall. I made sure to bring Ethel (my cane) and she is a nice trusty companion. I don't want to always rely on Tara and Carmans arm and using a cane does not bother me one bit . I find wide open spaces in the mall required me to also hold onto Tara's arm, and I couldn't carry a bag - so thank goodness for Tara.

My hope is the cane is just temporary and I can return it to my mom and dad - for when they may need it - haha!

I've been trying to get into a new book of the Bible. I have spent a lot of time getting to know Job and I got so much from his life. My faith feels so elementary in comparison to his, but he is someone I strive to be like. At first I was going to start reading Joshua (because my baby brother's name is Joshua - Josh isn't a baby he's 23), but after watching one of Pastor Dan's messages on Job I decided to turn to Jeremiah. And so far I can just say WOW! This is what I need. And, God just keeps showing up. Yesterday I found a little frame in my mailbox with the following quote:

journey

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." - Jeremiah 29:11

I also wanted to share:

I am not laying in bed all day

I don't feel like I am living the life I should be, but I see and recognize me/my life during my day

I am not in any pain

I have an appetite

I am having a hard time falling asleep, but I am waking up rested

I've been making the odd supper

I've been doing housework

I've been sitting at my desk and doing some work about every other day

My reading ability is improving ever day - I should very soon be back on novels

Little by Little

Yep, little by little every day I see progress! Last night I started going up and down the stairs without holding the railing. My chin isn't as numb, I notice I am pivoting way better, and I've been doing about 20 minutes on my treadmill everyday(although I have to hold on to the railings and I can only do a speed of about half of what I used to). I also am doing a small little free weight routine to try and get these scrawny arms stronger.

I think it is weird that I am still a bit surprised when I shower that I expect my body to feel like it used to (from over 2 years ago). I used to have strong legs from how much I walked - I can't wait to have those strong legs again!

My brain is allowing me to read more and more all of the time. But novels for some reason are just too hard to process. The weird thing is I have no problem reading 10 Chicken Soup short stories with ease.

I don't know if I have already posted that my sister Tara is living with us. Before I found out the cancer spread to my brain I was just really worn out and was getting lonely being at home alone so much so I asked if she would consider coming and living with us. What a God thing. He knew I would need her so much more. Shortly after she came things got worse. I am SOOOOO HAPPY she is here! Thanks Tara for giving up your dream of living on the coast to come and be with me in cold, snowy Red Deer.

Crafters Wanted

I don't have a crafty bone in my body - I've always wanted to be creative, but it often ends up in a pretty good laugh. Just ask my brother-in-law Mitch what 'craft' he got stuck with this Christmas.

When I was up in Edmonton getting radiation one particular morning I was so devastated and I was getting out of the shower just bawlling - how was I going to face another day of this? And I felt Got say - If you could only see the future I have planned for you, you would be so happy.

I've been trying to remember this every time I get down.

So here's the call - if you are crafty, I would love little 'signs' of this statement I could put around my house to reminge me.


My address is:
Brenda Odovichuc
12 McCune Ave
Red Deer, AB
T4N 0H2

Brain Mets

This is the hardest post I have ever tried to write - so please bear with me.



My last CT scan showed fairly steady bone mets but growth on my lives. Because I was exhausted from the chemo pills and Tykerb my doctor did not see any problem of taking a month off. We were even going to escape to somewhere nice to try and recuperate. Our eyes were on Panama.



Only a week later I started suffering from a really bad headache and I was struggling with my balance. I was getting really scared. Carman called the doctor and he sent us to the ER for a head CT. And ever since my world feels like it has completely shattered. The cancer had spread to my brain in several spots.



Days later we were in Edmonton an I was getting 10 rounds of full brain radiation. We also decided to radiate the lower part of my back to help elevate pain.



Cancer to the brain has completely brought me to the lowest point I think I can be. I fear it will rob me of who I am. It has impaired my ability to walk with steady feet. And if you know me you know how much I love to walk. The doctor is hopeful the radiation will help improve my steadiness, but it really frightens me.



But even as dire as my situation looks, I have hope that God will still completely heal my body. My God is that powerful!